Lean in, lean out, work-life balance, work-life blending--all words I want to burn in a blazing bonfire surrounded by every parent that has struggled internally with pursuing their own career dreams while fulfilling the precious role of a parent.
It's funny. You spend your entire life planning for what you want to be when you grow up. We have all answered the question and depending on our age our answers have ranged from superhero to firefighter to doctor or social worker. Then at some stage in life, around age 30, we are expected to define that even more and we add titles like director, CFO, manager, or principal. But here is the funny part. Nowhere are we ever expected to address what kind of parent we want to be. What kind of home life do we want to lead.
We make these plans. These five year goals and then after we find the love of our lives, get married, add a dog, and then decide we want to grow our family all of a sudden we have to make the children fit into the plan. It's no wonder why this work-life balance thing is a challenge. It's almost designed that our children and family are an after thought or a "how can I make this work in my plans".
If I sound bitter, I may just be bitter. I want my career. I really do. Just not at the expense of my family and children and if I'm honest this balance or blending thing gets harder to juggle everyday. I find myself selfishly keeping my children up late so I can make up the time with them I spent leaving work late and in traffic. If I didn't do this, it would literally be dinner then bed. I would have NO time with them. Then after we put the kids to bed, I have the 15-20 minutes (depending on how long it takes for me to pass out) to actually talk to my husband.
I've asked other women and I've gone to all the female leadership conferences on "having it all" and "work-life blending" my stomach can take. What have I learned? That this balance/blending thing is a myth told to little girls to give them hope. The truth is there are 24 hours in a day. Sorry, only 24. For every second you give to one thing, that's a second you no longer have for something else.
I'm told that some days you will give more to your career and others your family. Honestly, I would like to see those days because they don't exist Monday through Friday. If I hated my job I guess this would all be easy. But, I don't. I actually like what I do and the people I do it with. That doesn't sound right I know, but I'm up late typing this because I blended my work and life poorly today.
One thing has become clear to me and that is sacrifices and compromises have to be made. Again, only 24 hours. So, the question I'm asking myself is do I want to be that mom at the soccer game on my Galaxy Note, tablet, or whatever typing away at emails. Do I want to have to run home from work, catch the recital, only to jump back on my laptop at night to make up for the time I spent supporting my child?
Oh and before you begin to comment and tell me all the marvelous things I can do from home, the consultant work I can undertake, or the business ventures I can start, I am not entrepreneurial. Never got that spirit. I HATE cold calling or attempting to sell people anything in any fashion even if i believe in it I like I do Jesus.
I honestly believe I shouldn't have to make those type of adjustments or leave and go to a company like Google, this magical place where people go to work but it feels like play. I mean Google can't hire everybody. Instead we have to move to some work models that resemble the days of pharaoh a little less and the days of....well, I'm not sure...Google more.
If you read this rant, please accept my sincerest apologies. It morphed from a blog post to a vent fest.
