Breastfeeding and Humble Pie

So in my previous post I mentioned that breastfeeding has been a bit of a challenge. Throughout my pregnancy, people would often ask me if I took or plan on taking any breastfeeding classes. Fellow preggars advised of great breastfeeding books that helped them. Let's just say I was a bit arrogant concerning the topic. In my mind women have been breastfeeding for ages. What did women do when there were no books or classes to assist them with breastfeeding?  Every time my OB/GYN office mentioned a lactation specialist I laughed a little on the inside because I just knew without a doubt that they were making a mountain out of a mole hill. In other words if breastfeeding is complicated its because you make it complicated. Boy am I ever eating a huge slice of humble pie. Actually I think I am eating the whole pie!

First let me share that once I came through in recovery the first thing the nurse asked me was did I feel like I could nurse. I happily replied yes. I couldn't wait for that bond with my son and to pass on all the nutrients and life I had inside me to him. I'm fast learning that I am way more traditional and maternal than I ever believed. We nursed just fine in that cold recovery room. As the feedings continued nursing was not so easy. My son would become frustrated with latching on and go into a hunger rage. I would become frustrated which was not good because I was sure my son could sense my frustration. Well the frustration began to turn into sadness. I was feeling like a failure. The one thing my son needed of me at that time and I couldn't provide it. Let me explain that the colostrum was coming out just fine; we were having latching issues. After witnessing one of my nursing episodes and the difficulty in getting my son to latch on, my nurse had a lactation specialist come to my room (my first bite of humble pie). The specialist quickly realized that the issue resided with my nipples. Apparently, my nipples are too flat and thus my son had a difficult time with locating them for suckling. She gave me a shield which helped and my son instantly was able to latch on  and suck. Yes I thought my worries are over. Boy was I wrong and about to eat my next slice of humble pie.

"We suggest you supplement with formula" were the worst words I had heard since my son was born. He dropped more than ten percent of his birth weight while we were still in the hospital. How could this be? I was nursing all the time. The "liquid gold" as the nurses called the colostrum was flowing and my son was well fed I thought. With the drop in weight the doctor suggested that we supplement with formula. It could still be a couple of days before my milk let down. I ate the slice of pie and began bottle feeding my son with formula. Well it took almost a whole week for my milk to come in and during that time my son had become accustomed to the quick flow of the bottle. Whenever we nursed he became quickly frustrated and would furiously cry. Of course this broke my spirits and I would acquiesce and bottle feed him. I began pumping and providing him with breast milk through the bottle. I still wanted to ensure that he got breast milk.

Between my exhaustion and the obvious lack of hours in a day I don't pump like I should. My son absolutely refuses to breastfeed, even going as far as to attempt to push my breast away. This is actually quite funny. That being said I'm not producing enough milk to cover all his feedings. Needless to say breastfeeding is a little trickier than I thought. My advice to future breast feeders...have some patience, read up as much as possible in advance and don't feel like a failure if in the end you choose Similac as the method to feed your growing child. I'm just getting over the disappointment in my breastfeeding woes. I felt like a failure for quite some time until I realized that the important thing is to have a healthy baby. My son has gained his weight back and is progressing well. Hopefully things will be better with the next child. One thing for sure I will not be so arrogant...I hate having to eat humble pie.

New Beginnings

On October 24th Husband and I welcomed our little cub into the world. I must say that it's an amazing feeling to be a mom. It's definitely one of those feelings that no one can explain. After waiting over a year to get pregnant, then finally learning we were pregnant, it feels amazing to have our son home with us. It has definitely been challenging though. I didn't know I could be so exhausted and emotional. Late night early morning feedings are definitely the worst. I can't wait until he is sleeping through the night. It's also been challenging trying to breastfeed. I must admit I was very arrogant concerning breastfeeding. People continuously asked me if I had taken any nursing classes and my thought was why on earth would I take classes to do something that women have done for ages without any class or instruction. In my opinion it should just come naturally. I'm fast learning that the most natural and simple things can easily be made difficult. Breastfeeding has been a journey, one of which I am still conquering. I'm sure there will be a blog dedicated to this journey soon.

There are great things about this new beginning. I feel as if my heart expands everyday. Each time I think I have reached the limits of my capability to love, I awaken to my son's face and find that my love has grown so much more. I'm truly learning that love is limitless. Prior to the birth of my son, or "cub" as I adoringly call him, I thought I understood the concept of unconditional love. I've always felt that I loved my husband, mother, father, and family  unconditionally. Now, I find myself realizing that unconditional love is more powerful than loving someone despite their flaws and misdeeds. How do you define or explain loving someone that has never spoken a word to you and never done anything for you? I realized that I loved this little person for no reason other than he exists. I love him just because. This level of love has really changed me; I have a greater understanding of my relationship with God. I understand how He views me and how He loves me. It's amazing how much you change from the onset of baby.  I eagerly look forward to the amazing lessons and adventures ahead. I'm sure I will learn so much about myself....this is only the beginning.