Cub #2 On Board

So I finally shared with the world the news that cub #2 is on board.

 

This delightful news was a surprise and has made for an interesting pregnancy. With Antonio the Husband and I had been trying to conceive for a while so when we learned he was on board there was immediate excitement and relief. Excitement to finally be blessed with a baby and relief from the fear of infertility.  We weren't planning this current pregnancy and we were actually trying to wait just a little longer. Our finances are not where we need them to be to start Antonio in childcare, which is necessary if we have a second child, and given my cesarean from the first pregnancy we wanted to give my body time to properly heal. We began to suspect we were pregnant while on vacation in Cali, Colombia. Then we were given reasons to believe we weren't pregnant. It stunned us both that we were a little disappointed that we weren't expecting. Funny because prior to the trip we were both adamant that we weren't ready. We got home and I took a test just to be sure and it was positive. I took another one for good measure and it too was positive. I immediately called the doctor, booked an appointment, and confirmed the good news.  I think our logical minds had suppressed the fact that emotionally we were ready even if the bank account wasn't.  This reminds me of a funny episode from Friends. I thought I'd share the video. Start at 5:07 to get straight to the point but if you  LOVE Friends like I do why not watch the whole thing.

 Now a couple things about second pregnancies and being pregnant while raising a toddler.

 

1. Each pregnancy is different is an understatement.

 This pregnancy has been NOTHING like the first. First pregnancy-no sickness, no energy in first trimester but after that I was the energizer bunny, stretching and round ligament discomfort in the second half of the pregnancy, no swelling anywhere including feet ( I still wear the same shoe size as always), no skin discoloration or bumps, no heart burn-I think you get the point. I had one of those dream pregnancies. Ummm so this pregnancy-nausea nausea nausea. I don't know how I managed to leave the house and go to work each day with all that nausea. I can't eat most foods I like and routinely eat. All I want is seafood, steak, and sushi. So judge me if you want to but I have caved and eaten sushi. Not raw sushi the fried cooked stuff. Now I am in the second trimester and the nausea did miraculously leave but I have headaches all the time. My belly ballooned out and I was visibly pregnant at like six weeks. What the heck. It's not fair to already need maternity clothes and have people tell you that there are two in there or that you are not going to make it. Oh and smell aversions! I've had to run out my office suite A LOT. I don't know what those people are heating up or eating but my goodness does it reek.

2.  An almost two year old could care less that you are pregnant.

The cub doesn't understand or seem to care that I am pregnant and therefor have no energy, am sick as a dog, uncomfortable, and fragile. This is evident because when I am lying on the couch battling nausea he insists that I get up to kick the ball with him, play Legos, pillow fight, etc. His new joy is to make me lay on the floor while he uses me as a ladder or step stool.  Have I shared that my child has an affinity for violence? Not sure why or where he is getting it but he likes to sword fight (we don't own any swords. He turns the vacuum cleaner tools and kid toy golf clubs into swords). He loves wrestling which usually includes him jumping onto you while you are laying down. He gets a kick out of this. I don't know why he is so rough. I guess boys will be boys. But the problem occurs when I tell him I can't wrestle or play that game with him. Oh he loses it. So, I have concluded that my being pregnant is far removed from my cub's cares or concerns.

My Favorite Part of Me

I've shared how blogging has opened up this other side of me and the joy I find in typing out my story/journey then releasing it to whoever. There has been something both therapeutic and enlightening in this. Well, I've only recently been opening myself up to other blogs. One of my favorites is Momastery, not because I think she says anything profound or just downright truthful, although she often does to me, but because I feel like what she is sharing is honest. Only in my adult life have I come to appreciate and understand the value of honesty. We always say we want honesty and we want someone honest in our lives. But do we really? What I've witnessed is that more often than not we want someone to make us feel cozy and warm on the inside. We want someone to wipe away the bad things in life and paint pretty pictures. We want someone to help us cope with brutalities. Well unfortunately honesty sometimes is the opposite of cozy and warm and the picture isn't always pretty.But I think as we mature we begin to understand this more and more. So, I find myself gravitating towards honesty. I like when a person can share without fear that she isn't always the best mother or wife, that she sometimes neglects her husband or children in search of her own solace, that she is confused to the point of insanity and can't tell you which way is up. Am I saying these are good things, NO, but they are honest things. Only in our honest moments can we begin to address what is happening around us, embrace the present, and begin to live for the future. I say all this to say that in one of Glennon Doyle Melton's posts on Momastery she said something that stuck out to me.

"This morning I was prepping the kids’ lunches and dancing in the kitchen to the Grateful Dead. I was happy. I am always happy when I’m about to take the kids to camp.

And I sang this part really loud: “first one’s named sweet Anne Marie, she’s my heart’s delight.” I love that line. Heart’s Delight! Anne Marie! And I started thinking about what a precious name Anne Marie is and how much I just LOVE everyone in the whole world named Anne Marie. And then I said a prayer for all the Anne Maries in the world. That they’d have a few brilliant moments today in which they’d feel wildly and completely loved.

That whole Grateful Dead/Anne Marie thing took about five minutes. That five minutes made me so happy. There was a THERE there. Because that was my soul, there dancing and praying for all the Anne Marie’s in the world. I love that wild, nonsensical part of me. I need some time to get back in touch with her- to invite her front and center again because I want HER to lead me through this life. I choose HER- even if she makes no sense to the world at all."

The link to the full  post is here: Momastery: Goodbye Internet.

To me what stood out is the part highlighted in yellow and it made me question my favorite part of myself. I don't think I ever stopped to realize what I love about myself. Now that I have I would definitely have to say my honesty. Over the past years I have struggled with learning to balance being honest with being humble and sensitive. I'm still learning but I can honestly say that I love this part of me. People always say they know they can count on me to be honest. This part of myself is challenging and I don't think I even fully understand it. But it's also the part of me that I want to always remain and to to shine brightly for the world to see. I think we should all find that part of ourselves that we love and want to be front and center in all that we do. So thanks Glennon for helping me connect with my favorite part of me.