Feeling guilty about not having mommy guilt

So, I know the title seems a bit weird and confusing. Well the gist of things is this; I miss work. I'm five weeks into my maternity leave and I miss my job. Now I read a lot of different mommy blogs and I have quite a few mommy friends on Facebook. All too often I see and read the posts about the war between stay at home moms and working moms. All too often I see this word guilt threaded throughout the discussions and debates. There is so much dialogue surrounding the guilt working mothers feel about the time they spend away from their darling children. Stay at home moms often discuss the desire to have something for themselves outside the home and the guilt they feel surrounding that desire. I have yet to see any dialogue for the third perspective in this little drama and that is of the woman that feels no guilt. Let me explain.

I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade my new role for anything in the world. I wear my mommy hat proudly. I envision myself to be a mixture of Claire Huxtable and Roseanne Arnold. Claire was always so polished and captivating. She had the career and the I can't believe you have children body. I loved her disciplining style because she never raised her voice or exhibited frustration. Roseanne's house was always a mess. She always had some crafty and unconventional way of disciplining the children that made for a good laugh. Well, I'm not always polished but I endeavour to be. I think I'm captivating  and so far I'm doing well with the whole frustration and raising of the voice thing. My house is always a mess; I take pride in this mess. The kiddies are two and under so I have some time to develop my crafty disciplining skills. I say all this to say that I take my mommy role seriously and, although I don't love every minute of it, I couldn't imagine my life any other way. But being a mommy isn't enough for me and I don't have guilt over this.

I used to think I wanted to be a stay at home mom until I had my first child. The entire time I was on maternity leave I missed work. Upon returning to work I didn't experience that gaping hole every one warned me of in which I would miss my child all day and hate the fact that I was back at work. The opposite happened. I quickly jumped back into the swing of things and found myself delving more into my work. I leave every morning glad to go to work and I don't feel guilty about it. Work fulfills something in me that I don't quite understand yet but I know that fulfillment allows me to be an even better mom. I have an extra joy because of it and I shower that joy on my family.

It took other moms probing and judging to make me question if something was wrong with me. Why don't I have that guilt that I read about of other working mothers? Then I began to question every decision and action I made since I learned I would be a mom. Why didn't I get that hysterical crying fit that pregnant women speak of? Why didn't I cry the first time I held my son and where was the overwhelming rush of love that was supposed to sweep over me? Why was I able to go on a date night with the husband six weeks after my son's birth and not have separation anxiety? Many would say I'm broken. They'd question my sanity and call me a cold and emotionless monster. Something has to be wrong because no mother should feel this way.

Much like a teenager learning to be confident in her own skin I had to learn to be secure in who I am as a mother. I had to learn that the only rule, or ingredient shall I say, to being a good mother is to love my children as Christ loved me. I also began to remember something from my marriage counseling. The priest explained to us the importance of keeping each other happy and how through our happiness our children would be happy. Of course he was speaking about the marriage but I realised this applies to the individual as well. In order for me to give joy I must possess joy. You can't give what you don't have. I understand that at this point in my life working builds me up and makes me happy. Knowing this, I walk boldly and proudly as a mom and I rest peacefully at night. No guilt at all.

Adjusting to Life with Two Children

So I did all the research I could to prepare for life with two children, a two year old and a new born. We had some major stages to address in this preparation such as potty training the toddler, transitioning the toddler from the crib to the big boy bed, and enrolling the toddler in daycare. We spoke to parents of multiples to get some on the job in the trenches advice. The most repeated advice wasn't really advice but a warning-"it's going to be hell in the beginning". Well, to everyone that said that, thank you. It has truly been hell. I am once again in awe of single parent homes and people that live away from family that can help. I feel like I have help the equivalent of celebrities and yet these past four weeks have not been a walk in the park.

First thing is breastfeeding. I unfortunately did not have the best of luck with breastfeeding my first child. You may recall an earlier blog post of mine titled Breastfeeding and Humble Pie. Well I was determined this time around. I pushed aside my arrogance and did the reading. I also harassed my lactation specialist and hooray we are successfully breastfeeding. Rewind- hooray drat we are successfully breastfeeding. Cub #2 will not take a pacifier. I am her only acceptable form for feeding and pacifying. That being said, I am exhausted. With Cub #1 the husband and the mother-in-law helped with feedings so I was able to rest and find time for myself. I've read all the suggestions to alleviate the burden, and yes I am using the word burden, of breastfeeding. Having my spouse burp the baby is not my idea of helping or alleviating the burden. I still have to wake up and nurse for 30 minutes. Five additional minutes spent burping is nothing at that point.

Moving on to sibling jealousy. We were warned that Cub #1 may begin to show signs of jealousy and act out or be mean to the baby. So far so good. He adores his little sister. He kisses on her all the time and makes it his duty to let me know when I need to go pick up the baby and care for her. Problem-my two year old is very ROUGH and has no idea of space and how he fits in it. That being said, I may need to buy my daughter a helmet. If anyone knows where to get an infant helmet please drop me a line. Also, Cub #1 wants to share everything with the baby. Basically, he doesn't understand why he can't play with the baby's things or have what she has.  He doesn't get upset when we take things or explain to him he can't play with it and we try to only restrict him from major things like the breast pump.This way we don't incite any jealousy. It's actually been quite nice watching him grow into a being a big brother and I am predicting that he will be the most protective of her.

What has been most difficult about life with two children has been keeping the normal routine going for child 1 while starting a routine with child 2. We haven't mastered this yet and I eagerly await the day we get a good flow going. The toddler is a bit of a challenge, not because of the sibling but because he is in full toddler mode. Everything is no followed by screams and high pitched shrills. He moves through the house at the speed of sonic the hedgehog with a devastation level to match. His dietary preference consists of ice cream, cookies, and Hershey kisses. Correcting the behaviour of a toddler is like teaching a dog to speak, speak not bark. I don't have anything insightful to add on this subject just yet so pray for me please.Oh and if any of you out there with multiples have any great advice on setting a routine or alleviating the breastfeeding burden shoot me a line. I go back to work in less than 4 weeks and I cannot imagine that life mixed with the current one.