Adjusting to Life with Two Children

So I did all the research I could to prepare for life with two children, a two year old and a new born. We had some major stages to address in this preparation such as potty training the toddler, transitioning the toddler from the crib to the big boy bed, and enrolling the toddler in daycare. We spoke to parents of multiples to get some on the job in the trenches advice. The most repeated advice wasn't really advice but a warning-"it's going to be hell in the beginning". Well, to everyone that said that, thank you. It has truly been hell. I am once again in awe of single parent homes and people that live away from family that can help. I feel like I have help the equivalent of celebrities and yet these past four weeks have not been a walk in the park.

First thing is breastfeeding. I unfortunately did not have the best of luck with breastfeeding my first child. You may recall an earlier blog post of mine titled Breastfeeding and Humble Pie. Well I was determined this time around. I pushed aside my arrogance and did the reading. I also harassed my lactation specialist and hooray we are successfully breastfeeding. Rewind- hooray drat we are successfully breastfeeding. Cub #2 will not take a pacifier. I am her only acceptable form for feeding and pacifying. That being said, I am exhausted. With Cub #1 the husband and the mother-in-law helped with feedings so I was able to rest and find time for myself. I've read all the suggestions to alleviate the burden, and yes I am using the word burden, of breastfeeding. Having my spouse burp the baby is not my idea of helping or alleviating the burden. I still have to wake up and nurse for 30 minutes. Five additional minutes spent burping is nothing at that point.

Moving on to sibling jealousy. We were warned that Cub #1 may begin to show signs of jealousy and act out or be mean to the baby. So far so good. He adores his little sister. He kisses on her all the time and makes it his duty to let me know when I need to go pick up the baby and care for her. Problem-my two year old is very ROUGH and has no idea of space and how he fits in it. That being said, I may need to buy my daughter a helmet. If anyone knows where to get an infant helmet please drop me a line. Also, Cub #1 wants to share everything with the baby. Basically, he doesn't understand why he can't play with the baby's things or have what she has.  He doesn't get upset when we take things or explain to him he can't play with it and we try to only restrict him from major things like the breast pump.This way we don't incite any jealousy. It's actually been quite nice watching him grow into a being a big brother and I am predicting that he will be the most protective of her.

What has been most difficult about life with two children has been keeping the normal routine going for child 1 while starting a routine with child 2. We haven't mastered this yet and I eagerly await the day we get a good flow going. The toddler is a bit of a challenge, not because of the sibling but because he is in full toddler mode. Everything is no followed by screams and high pitched shrills. He moves through the house at the speed of sonic the hedgehog with a devastation level to match. His dietary preference consists of ice cream, cookies, and Hershey kisses. Correcting the behaviour of a toddler is like teaching a dog to speak, speak not bark. I don't have anything insightful to add on this subject just yet so pray for me please.Oh and if any of you out there with multiples have any great advice on setting a routine or alleviating the breastfeeding burden shoot me a line. I go back to work in less than 4 weeks and I cannot imagine that life mixed with the current one.

Electing to Have a Second C-Section

To have the c-section  or not to have the c-section that is the question. I 'm not a hundred percent sure as to why I was so adamant about attempting to do what they call a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I unfortunately had to have an emergency c-section with my son. Most people naturally then elect to have a c-section with the second child. I on the other hand did not. My recovery from the first went very well so that was not the reason. I'm not that woman that needs to experience labor in order to feel like a woman so that was not the reason. In my mind a c-section was still surgery and carried with it all the risks of surgery. This was unsettling to me. Additionally, I still believed that the recovery from a vaginal delivery was better than that of a c-section. I was determined to attempt the VBAC.

Well at week 37 of my pregnancy the doctors were estimating that my child weighed 7 lbs 15 oz. I still had minimally 2 weeks left in my pregnancy, meaning my baby still had some growing to do. My OB felt that the baby would potentially be too big for me to attempt a VBAC with the largest concern being the possibility of my incision from the c-section rupturing. I was of course slightly disappointed but I trust my OB's judgement. The c-section was scheduled.

It's very different having a baby when you already know it's arrival date and time. There is no fanfare or nervous excitement. You literally arrive at the hospital and are escorted to your room. They begin prepping you, then at the designated time they waltz you down the hall to the operating room. This being my second c-section I was prepared for the extremely sterile and cold room. I was prepared to be strapped down to a table like Jesus on the cross. I was prepared for the blue curtain that would separate me from my baby and serve as a source of anxiety for the next several minutes. I was prepared to lose my ability to breathe the moment they began to pull the baby through the small incision. I was prepared to pass out moments after meeting my child because undoubtedly the anesthesiologist overdid it with the pain killers.

What you can never prepare for is how you will feel the moment you are first introduced to your little one. You can never prepare for that first moment you hold her in your arms or the first time you nurse her. All the steps were the same. Even the hospital was the same and yet once my daughter was here nothing was the same.

So to have the c-section or not really isn't the question. The question is how do I deliver my precious baby into the world in the safest and most peaceful way possible, because getting her here is all that truly matters.

Transitioning from At Home Care to A Daycare

It's been quite a journey transitioning the cub from being cared for by his Abuela (my mother-in-law) at home to being cared for at a daycare facility. With cub #2 on the scene we wanted to start our son in daycare before the baby was born so he wouldn't associate the change with the baby. The weeks leading up to his first day at "school" we did our best to explain it to him and get him excited about being a big boy and going to school like "Sid the Science Kid". My son loves "Sid the Science Kid" so we thought this would be a good character for him to relate to.

On his first day I was still pregnant and prohibited by Dr. Husband from driving, so we took him together. We had breakfast, took a picture to capture the moment, then headed to daycare. Of course on the first day we had some minor things to finalize so the cub played around the lobby and introduced himself to children as they walked by. This was looking promising. We took him to what would be his classroom and he immediately identified a toy he wanted to play with. Not wanting to draw things out we both said goodbye shortly after entering the room. The cub, kind of confused, said goodbye back and we left the room. We stood outside the room out of sight waiting to see if we would hear him cry. Silence--so we left. Later that day we were told he cried the entire day. This was a little painful to hear but we also expected it.

Antonio on his first day of school

 

 

Fast forward....
Over the next two weeks we experienced the following:
1. The cub had two colds and spent days out of daycare after having caught his cold at daycare. We went from having a child that was rarely sick (perhaps twice in his life so far) to a child always sick. We are constantly battling congestion, fevers, and runny noses.

2. The cub wakes up every morning and says "no school". The minute we would get him in the car he would become withdrawn and depressed.He wouldn't play at school and according to the teachers all he did was cry all day.

3. The cub became very needy and became a baby all over again. The temper tantrums and incessant crying increased. The dramatic meltdowns for attention increased.

4. The staff were not as polite and amazing as they were the day I toured and the few days I returned to the center to enroll the cub. In response to the incessant crying,  A lot of judgement was passed as to how we were parenting our child. A few of the staff members made comments to my husband and mother-in-law as to how our parenting style was affecting the cub's ability to adjust to daycare. First they told us that after two weeks most kids stop crying. I polled friends and learned that their children cried well past two weeks. I was additionally frustrated by this because prior to enrolling my cub I explained to them that my son had never been cared for by a stranger....NEVER!.  One lady decided to vent her frustration with having to deal with my crying son. Now I tend to be more confrontational than my husband and mother-in-law and I had sworn to have a meeting with the director and individuals in question if another comment was made. Well God intervened because miraculously things began to change.

Now...
1. The cub does very well at daycare and the staff are falling in love with him. He still says no school every morning but at least he is having fun now.

2. The cub's vocabulary is taking off at the speed of lightening and think this is partially due to daycare.

3. He is beginning to play with other children and even shares a little.

If your little one has never been cared for by a stranger and you are considering transitioning him to a daycare center make sure you have a talk with the director and his teachers to hash out a game plan. Pick their brains for suggestions to help with adjusting and be sure to voice your suggestions. We asked that the center allow us to bring his security blanket everyday. They agreed and it made the world of a difference. Now we are beginning to wean him off the blanket. He takes it in the car everyday but he doesn't take it into the center.