Answered Prayers

A coworker asked me to pray for her the other day and added that God answers my prayers. This caused me to pause briefly. What does she mean? What does that mean? I was truly taken off guard. The sentence rattled in my head the rest of the day and even the next morning. I woke up, read my daily devotional and boom there it was, "God answers your prayers". What does that mean? I couldn't wrap my head around it. Why couldn't I wrap my head around it? Honestly, because I felt it wasn't true. I automatically began thinking to myself that she must see something that I don't see in order to derive that God answers my prayers. Do she see me as blessed or privileged. If so, she obviously isn't paying close attention because my life is always hectic or always troubled by something. If I were to do a quick synopsis of my life right now it would go like this...

 my father, a hemophiliac, is having surgery on his knee soon, my mother has some underlying issue going on with her-most likely stress induced-that the doctors haven't found, my mother-in-law keeps having little health scares that thankfully have been minor, my brother is in jail, my job hasn't decided what direction to take with my position, my husband's car is on the fritz, the oven, washing machine, and air conditioning all stopped working at the same time, my bank account is dismal, I don't know how we are going to expense the much needed trip to Colombia and still stay above water, we need to put the Cub in childcare soon if we want to have a second child because that is way too much to put on the mother-in-law, I keep gaining weight and the scale frightens the daylights out of me, I need to replace my sofa but the bank account is still dismal, I can't sell my house without owing the bank my first born, and I'm in need of a pedicure.

OK I threw that last part in there because it was getting too heavy. Now this is just the surface stuff that I can share. The more personal stuff that involves other people I won't share-not because I am ashamed, my life is an open book, but I must respect the privacy of others. All that being said, what does she mean?

I had an epiphany a few months back that I never shared in which I realized that God has done so much in my life. The problem is I couldn't see it because of all the other stuff that was still unanswered or unresolved in my life. Sure I gave thanks for each hurdle or obstacle I'd overcome, but like any runner in the race I didn't pause because up ahead was the next hurdle. No runner stops in the middle of the race and celebrate jumping the first hurdle. No. You celebrate once you cross the finish line. I haven't crossed the finish line. Well...so I thought or felt. Then she made that statement and I stopped. Apparently, I had crossed the finish line and several at that. She had witnessed my triumphs, mainly because I share everything. I share my life because I always think to myself that others could be where I am or where I was and it is my moral duty to impart the wisdom and lessons learned to others. It may not always apply to that person's life but it gives perspective and insight. Isn't this why we have adversity and trials in life? So we grow and help others to grow. So we learn to lean on and trust in God. I'm still learning to lean and trust.  

My last thought on answered prayers. I gave my rant of the challenging things happening in my life right now. I've prayed feverishly for resolutions to these items. A friend shared a devotional with me that again floored me and changed my perspective. I've always felt like a lot of people lean on me or look to me for answers. I often feel burdened and tugged on but I do my best to be there for people. Lately, I began praying that these burdens be removed from me. After all do you see my list. I have stuff too. Well this devotional spoke to Jesus and how along his travels people would stop him and rely on him for encouragement, healing, etc. It spoke to the fact that the disciples leaned on him. All in addition to the task that God had for him. It then spoke to the fact that Jesus never complained and always made a point to be there for every one that sought him out. The scripture focus was Psalm 41:1.

"Blessed is he who considers the weak and the poor, the Lord will deliver him in the time of evil and trouble".

That day my prayer changed. It became clear to me that I didn't need to pray for my burdens to be removed; instead I needed to pray for strength to handle all that God had laid before me and to understand how God would like to use me in the lives of others. Talk about answered prayers. I still have my moments where say when is enough enough or hey this plate is getting a little full. But in the end I now know that people are watching and seeing the God in me and how is moving in my life. I'm working everyday to be a good reflection of Him. Key word...WORKING.

Women and Mothers Unite

I've never been one of those women that championed other women and viewed us as a collective. Truth be told rarely do I view myself as a collective of anything and I've done this deliberately. Mainly because I feel that we create divisions as a people when we add identifiers like woman, black, christian, mother, etc. My rationale was always that these identifiers make it appear as if another person can't relate to me or my story if they don't share those same identifiers. For example a white or Latino woman can't share my joy or pain because she isn't black. I've always fought this idea because I honestly believe you can learn from anyone and relate to any story. For this reason I've challenged and stayed away from anything that had divisions like that.

Lately, I've been reading a lot more blogs and opening myself up to the journey and ideals of people I don't get to encounter in my every day life. This has helped me in several ways. First, I'm learning that we are all very different and very same at the same time. This duality is so intriguing to me. How can something be the same yet different? But it's true. We all have the same fears, the same hopes, and the same struggles. We have different packaging as to how we approach and view those fears, hopes, and dreams. I'm learning that my struggle or journey is not unique to only me. This has been empowering because I know for me it's difficult for me to see outside my situation when I'm in the midst of managing it. It's nice to read some one's journey that mirror my own and see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even when there isn't light and there appears to be no answer or solution other than tough it out and endure, it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Lastly, I've learned that we as people aren't as detached as one would think. I'm always hearing that technology has ruined us socially and families don't communicate, communities aren't connected, and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. I'm seeing something different. We want to connect. We want to share. All these blogs and social media prove that.

As a new mom I've been more inclined to read the mommy blogs and it's amazing to me to read how other women view motherhood and embrace the day to day challenges that come with that role. It's also amazing to me the automatic support women give other women the moment they say I'm a mother. For the first time I began to find myself embracing my identifier and allowing myself to be a part of collective. Not because I believe that non mothers can't identify with me or understand what I am experiencing but because I had found a safe haven. I had found a voice that mirrored my own. As I read the words of these other mothers, my spirit dances and celebrates the pure simplicity in having someone that just gets it. Oh the just gets it is so important. To not have to explain. To not have to feel judged or criticized. To not have to share my story with the nagging voice asking should I really say that. It's liberating. As people I think we need that. I think we need solace and we need to have a place where we can go and truly be free. It's like the theme song to Cheers, "I want to go where every one knows my name". I think we all want to go where everyone knows our pain, our joy, our story and just get it.  I'm not saying that I'm ready to start my own version of the He Man Woman Haters Club. But, I finally get it. I just get it.