OK my three followers and anyone else that happens to come across this post, it's time for me to finally let this one out. I've been struggling back and forth with this post because I don't want to seem petty, ungrateful, or present my husband or me in a negative light. But, one of the things I said about me is I am honest and I want readers to get a true and accurate picture of my journey. First I ask myself why every time I'm about to say something negative I preface it with "don't get me wrong I love...." or " I absolutely enjoy ___ but...". There will be none of that in this post. Here are some ticklers I didn't expect as a new mommy. I don't intend to sound like my life lessons are scientific fact; this is what I endured and what worked for me, so if you find yourself in my shoes consider my advice as an option.
So here it starts.....
After learning I was pregnant I was of course elated but also nervous. Quite frankly we were not where we wanted to be financially but we realized that we may just have been waiting for a perfect situation that would never come. That being said we trusted God and stopped trying to control and plan everything. I once heard if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. I like that one. Well, I'm glad we did because we were overwhelmed with gifts and money for Baby Antonio to the point where I still have yet to purchase diapers for him. We have two car seats, stroller, crib and mattress, two swings, gyms, DVDs, three drawers and half a closet of clothes, boppy, bottles, diapers, wipes, organizing unit, caddies and the list goes on of stuff that were gifted to him. We were able to decorate his nursery with the gift cards and money. He still has funds left on gift cards. I say that to say....HAVE FAITH and TRUST GOD!!! Our cup ran beyond over and I am forever humbled. I'm almost in tears as I write this because literally I was unsure if we were going to need to downsize to be able to do everything. The second blessing came in the form of the Abuela. We do not pay daycare because I am blessed with a mother (Actually mother-in-law but remember I hate this term. She is my husband's mother and we are a unit so she is my mother; end of discussion. We should really watch the language we use because words like in-law, half brother, and step-mother create an atmosphere where this person is a partial family member to you)...that is willing and able to watch our cub for us during the day. Words cannot express my gratitude. I share this part of my journey because I have friends that continually say to me that they are waiting for the ability to do this or that. I believe in planning and having goals that you would like to achieve before you enter parenthood, but I caution you to not get so caught up in the details. Trust me doors open when you least expect them.
The next thing I want to share is don't be surprised by how parenthood changes you or bring out parts of you that you thought died or didn't exist. I have never been a person of patience. I have never been a touchy-feely person. I have never been sensitive. I think you are beginning to get the picture...I was a tyrant--not really I happen to be funny and comical which made me a fun tyrant. Mommyhood has made me more patient, gentle, nurturing, sensitive, and yes even touchy-feely. My husband was always the personification of patience. I always said to people that he had the patience of God. He has always been a very laid back and easy going person. Well Daddyhood has tested this patience. Needless to say I didn't expect this. Now don't go to jumping down my hubby's throat; other amazing characteristics did increase....drat I did it didn't I. I did the whole prefacing a negative thing so it doesn't sound negative. Well I won't remove it cause I don't want my hubby looking bad LOL. Let's just say that frustration was high in my home with the onset of the newborn, especially since my son would cry incessantly for three hours straight for no known reason. On top of this I was exhausted! I have never known this type of exhaustion. There were moments when I would watch my husband sleep and I wanted to kick him because I was jealous of his ability to sleep. Exhaustion is a powerful thing, so don't underestimate it. I found myself being snappy or having an attitude for no reason at all. I of course had to address this. My husband and I talked and both shared our needs from the other. Once we did this things were ten times better. I share this because not many people want to talk about these moments or admit they exist. I say don't fret so much over the bad that happened or the not so pretty moments. Focus instead on your lessons learned and strengths gained because of those moments. My husband and I always believed we had an amazing relationship because we communicated so well. To be honest I was arrogant and thought our communication was perfect and couldn't get better....WRONG. There is always room for improvement and I learned that during these exhausted trying times. I feel we communicate even better today. If I let my arrogance kick in I think the next communication phase is ESP. No seriously, if you find that you and your partner aren't gelling or clicking like usual step outside the situation and address it. Believe me new parenthood is exhausting and trying enough. You will need each other to lean on and stay above water.
Lastly, people always said to me that the pros outweigh the cons in parenthood. Honestly, I couldn't see that the first couple of weeks. I was so exhausted and even confused at times that I couldn't wholeheartedly enjoy the pros. Well, like others told me, things do get better and the joys do start to kick in and tip the scale a little. Just hang in there and allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling. Don't feel ashamed or wrong for feeling that way. If the feelings are negative, acknowledge those feelings, find the source, then address it. I promise you will get there one day and you will be overwhelmed by the love and joy.
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