I May Have Been a Black Panther

I started this originally as a Facebook post but quickly realized I had a lot to say; so, now it's a blog post. Here goes....

I'm trying very hard not to boil over but I promise I'm simmering. With each new racial discussion that arises be it the #BlackLivesMatter or now the #Beyonce superbowl performance, I become more and more disheartened and discouraged. One thing I cannot tolerate, especially in this new found age of the internet where we have access to a wealth of information, is the perpetuation of ignorance and false information. Please stop looking at history through only one lens. Depending on your vantage point, things appear very differently. Remember,one man's terrorist is another man's savior.

So to be clear, I support and am grateful to the #BlackPantherParty and Malcom X just as much as I am to Martin Luther King, Jr., Ambassador Andrew Young, Congressman John Lewis and a host of others. If I endured the life of my grandmother, great grandmother, etc. and witnessed what they did I'm not certain whose footsteps I would've followed.

As I think about the myriad of injustices, the lynchings, the bombings and senseless cruelties and tragedies that spanned years I tremble and boil inside. As a mother of two now I think of how Rosa Parks must have felt while the KKK threw bombs into her home and burned crosses in her yard all while her children slept. My heart weeps and I ask myself if I would have been able to endure. I think I may have been a Black Panther and not the kind that actually existed but the ones America like to broad stroke paint. I think my fear for my husband and my kids would have driven me to pick up a gun and dare anyone to touch what I loved and cherished.

You see sometimes we get so caught up in being right and righteous that we forget we are human. I'm not righteous enough to say that I could watch men and women hang from a tree senselessly and watch families beg a justice system to help that refused to see them as equal. I'm not righteous enough to say that I could endure that peacefully. Why? Because my heart races and blood boils just reading about it.

Even today as I struggle with all the recent tragedies over the past years, I ask myself how do I fight this battle and how should I contribute to the narrative. No, I don't believe all cops are bad and no I don't believe all white people are either, but I also cannot ignore the systemic and historical issues that keep us divided. I can't ignore the chosen language used when it comes to my people either.

So, what do I want from White America? What I want from every one on earth...love, accountability, and respect. If I answer honestly I don't feel these things. If I answer honestly I feel like an abused and battered wife who you keep telling needs to move on because that beating is in the past and you still love me.

So when I say I may have been a Black Panther, understand that doesn't mean I want to be a terrorist, anti-American, or kill cops. It means I understand the hurt, the frustration, the fear, but most importantly the resolve to make a change for those who can't fight.

Boo to Child Free Zones

So I am going through my normal routine of getting ready for work this morning when my ears are bombarded by what I can only describe as logical ignorance. Have you heard of these so called "child free zone" seats airlines are doing? Apparently for a little extra money you can purchase seats in a special zone guaranteed to be free of children and all the "headache" that comes along with flying next to one. You know the headaches:

1.                  Tantrums

2.                  Kicking of the seats

3.                  Incessant crying

4.                  Parent and/or child constantly getting up or switching seats

5.                  Food/Drink spills

I get the headaches and why people want to avoid them. As the parent of the child I want to avoid them too. I mean if you think your headache is big after dealing with any of the above imagine mine. I called this whole idea or new offering logical ignorance because as someone who has flown on a plane and as someone who has had to endure the incessant crying or tantrums I don't know anywhere on the plane you can go and avoid that. Now I believe the biggest plane I have been on was the Boeing 767-the one where each of the side aisles seat two to a row with the middle seating three to a row. I felt it to be a fairly nice size plane. Even on that plane I could hear the crying and there wasn't a child near me for rows. Children have mastered the shrill and ain’t no escaping it.

Now this is what really threw me for a loop and sent me off the deep end: the wider seats and extended leg room. I forgot to mention that earlier but apparently this zone comes with slightly wider seats and extended leg room. If anyone should need wider seats and extra leg room it would be the passengers flying with small children. I’ve flown with my toddler and I would've paid a little extra money to have both of those. It would have made for a more comfortable flight which in turn could have made for a more enjoyable toddler. Instead we were both cramped into what is already space designated for slugs. Oh and for those that do not have children do you know how much extra stuff you have to lug around with you to appease your toddler. I had so much stuff crammed under the seat in front of me I thought the person sitting there was going to lose it. Who cares if my son isn't kicking your seat when you have the mother digging under your rear end all flight to retrieve diaper bags, blankets, snacks, and movie videos.

So airlines I say to you that what would have been smart and the most logical route was to create parent safe zones. Maybe the seats could be colorful and decorated like a pediatrician's office. Maybe you give out kid friendly snacks in those zones and have special kid appropriate movies. Maybe that zone comes with blocks or little toys to entertain the kiddies instead of a pillow and blanket. I don't know because I can't speak for all parents. So why don't you survey some parents and hold some focus groups to see how you can make our flights more comfortable which in turn would make EVERYONE's flight more enjoyable. I don't know it just seems to me you are solving the wrong end of the problem.

Blog Junkie

It's happening....I am becoming a blog junkie. I so enjoy reading various blogs. Since I have started blogging more frequently I have also started venturing to other blogs and I must say I love what is out there. I have tried a new recipe from one blog I follow, become inspired to run from another, and found a group of new moms with amazing stories and great advice. A lot of people are doing truly amazing things and others have such inspiring or triumphant journeys. Most of these people are just blogging about their every day lives and I am sure they don't know that there are strangers or old school buddies that read their words and are inspired or humbled. I complain A LOT! I wish I could say that I am one of those positive people that you meet and feel like "wow she is so sweet and smells of cookies". I am sweet but believe me I am definitely that person you meet that you think "wow she was nice but really to the point".

Well, I have read some amazing journeys through the blogs I follow and I am just humbled. From small things like DIY projects to major things like battling a rare disease with your newborn child....the stories and life lessons have been remarkable. In comparison...something I rarely do because each person's definition of struggle is personal and what may be easy to me is difficult for some and vice versa...but in comparison I have little to complain about and I am reminded that it could always be worse. Even better, these stories compel me to step out of my personal realm and reach out to others by praying or offering words of encouragement or congratulations. We easily get wrapped up in our own bubble that sometimes we forget to step out of that bubble and reach out to people. I am definitely one of those people that get tunnel vision the moment life throws me a few challenges. I become so focused that it is easy for me to isolate myself. I feel like this is changing since I began blogging. Seriously blogging has  been one of the best things for me and I am hooked.

New Commitments

So I have never been a New Year's Resolution person. Not because I don't believe in them or anything, but mainly because I used to be such a goal oriented person that I was constantly working on various goals throughout the year. It just never made sense for my life to pick goals at the beginning of the year. Honestly, since graduating from college I have been letting my life just happen without me actually trying to structure it or plan ahead. This is largely due to the fact that after years of being the kind of person that needed to plan ahead and prepare for my next step I just wanted to relax. I am the daughter of teen parents, so I grew up fast. I had a lot of responsibilities and my parents, in an effort to ensure I did not follow in their steps, placed a lot of expectations on me. Now this is not said to sound like a sad story where I was deprived of a childhood or something because that is far from the truth. It's just a little different when you are the product of teen parents. So after growing up as a child that was always setting goals for herself and planning everything in advance all I wanted to do was live life carefree. I think its time to end this trend; my life needs some structure and goals. Waiting until after my cub was born may not have been the best idea but for lack of a better phrase "it is what it is". The below are my Steps to a Better Cassandra:

1. Enroll into Grad School- For almost two years I have been going back and forth on obtaining a MPH (Public Health) or a MPA (Public Administration with a track in Health care Administration). Well the wonderful Georgia State University has a dual MPA/MPH program. So I need to resume my GRE studies and apply. Please pray for my successful acceptance into the program.

2. Have more girl time- I love The Husband and he is my best friend. I love that we can just sit on the couch and crack up all day just spending time together. Well outside my husband I have three close girlfriends one of which lives 4.5 hours away, the other is way too busy, and the last one we spend time together like three times a year. The last one is sad because we both stay in the Metro Area. I am determined to have more "me time and girl time". I plan to start a book club, add at least one more girl to my friend list, and have one girl/me outing a month.

3. Get fit-The post pregnancy body is truly a marvel. No one talks about the real gritty stuff that happens to your body after a baby. Oh I heard that it would change and I would have a new "mommy figure". Yeah but no one said that my stomach would resemble cottage cheese housed in saran wrap. No one told me that if my husband poked my stomach his finger would disappear into my folds that now have the consistency of that Gak stuff that children play with. Oh and don't get me started with the droopy, saggy, flat and downright  unattractive parts. Well, off to the gym it is for me. Thankfully I have free access to workout equipment and classes through my job. Additionally I have talked my lovely coworkers into a Get It Together Accountability Program. Everyone in my office is saying they need to work on something or lose weight so starting tomorrow we will weigh in bi-weekly and take our waist measurements. We are also planning to go to Piedmont as a group every Tuesday and Thursday to get in some cardio.

Well, let's see how this goes...

Push Presents

When I first heard of push presents I thought to myself "we women are absurd and will come up with anything to get presents from our significant others". Don't let me lie; there was no we in that thought. If you could not infer what a push present is from the name, it's a present given to the mother from the father to thank her and honor her for pushing out (birthing) their precious baby. Initially I told my husband there was no need for a push present. Like I said, I thought women were being a little absurd. OnceI became pregnant, I was completely on board with the whole push present idea and immediately let The Husband know that I would be expecting one.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I had a very smooth pregnancy, but there are some parts of pregnancy that are just scientifically going to happen and one of them is being tired all the time. I slept through my first trimester. This is not a hyperbole. I literally slept through my first trimester. I took three naps daily at work and would fall into a coma the minute we got home. I would literally walk into the door and flop down on the sofa, in my work clothes, and fall asleep. This meant that the husband took on ALL the house duties and puppy duties. My coma sleeps magically stopped during my second trimester but then the whole "nesting" thing kicked in and I dragged my husband around registering at baby stores and pointing out things I wanted for the house and nursery. During this time our little cub was moving about and creating little discomforts so I took full advantage of massages and foot rubs; these of course carried over into the third trimester. Needless to say, my husband did a lot to keep me happy, comfortable, and stress free. I was so grateful to have him by my side that I bought him a "papa's patience present". I'm not sure but I think I totally created this. I bought him a present for being so patient, loving, and overall amazing. I was eight months pregnant when I bought it and gave it to him. It wasn't anything special, just a video game to let him know he was appreciated. Well after experiencing labor and delivery my husband said to me "anyone who thinks a woman doesn't deserve a push present is out of their mind" and last night I got my push present. Husband did good...I got a pair of earrings with my cub's birthstone. They are absolutely gorgeous and I can't think of a better push present. I tell you that husband of mine always manages to amaze me even after 9 years of being together. Bear if you are reading this I love you so much....and not just because of my push present (wink).

Whoa I'm Turning 29

My ten year high school reunion passed recently. I absolutely can not believe I'm already ten years out of high school and even worse five years out of college. I do not know where the time went but it flew by extremely fast. The icing to this daunting realization is I turn 29 years old on December 24th. My final year in my twenties. Next year I will be 30!!! Oh and please spare me the "30 is the new 20". Who came up with that? Thirty is thirty and twenty is twenty. I can also do without the "you're only as old as you feel" because sometimes you're as old as you are. I'm  not sure how many people can relate but when I was around 13 years old I planned my entire life. Well, I planned my entire life up to 25. Apparently as a 13 year old I felt that age was the high point of a life span. It's amazing how as you get older you change your mind on what is considered old. I have a 12 year old sister and I am positive that she considers me old. The reverse of that is I consider her to be extremely young. We were having sister night at my house not too long ago and I mentioned "Coming to America" and my little sisters had actually not seen that movie. I almost fainted. How could they not have seen "Coming to America". Seriously, that movie is an Eddie Murphy classic!!! Needless to say I felt so old. I had finally reached that point where I was removed from the new and young generation. I find myself saying things like "the music they make these days is horrible". I still don't care what you say the mid-90s music to early 2000-2001 is the best music ever. I mean this was the time that Outkast, SWV, Envogue, Juvenile, Tupac, TLC, Aaliyah, Destiny's Child were at their prime and this is just to name a few. I still hear that Do or Die song and think to myself "this group wasn't even one of the best out but they still put most of what is out today to shame". I could go on and on and don't get me started on the cartoons. Like I said, I am officially "old". I'll embrace it though because honestly I have no choice. I want to do a quick walk down memory lane of some of my favorite things from my youth as I embrace my new stage in life:

1. Jem and Holograms
2. Before there was Xena warrior princess there was Shera
3. Boy Meets World
4. Transformers
5. Laffy Taffy, Nerds, Now and Later, Ring Pop, Push Pop and Pixie Stix (who am I kidding I still eat these)
6. Care Bears
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
8. Nintendo with Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt then Sega with Sonic the Hedge Hog
9. Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, The Flintstones, The Snorks, The Smurfs, and The Wuzzles
10. Lisa Frank
11. New Kids on the Block (that Step by Step song was awesome and you know it)
12. Back Pack purses
13. Lipsmackers

It's Not Just Wall Street

Occupy Wall Street, Occupy Atlanta and whatever other Occupy groups are out there just earned a new voice. The direction companies are moving in is absolutely insane and unacceptable. Every morning I hear on the news the various ways banks are gauging their customers but no one talks about companies like AT&T and DirecTV. Literally, the fees they impose are criminal. I'm not sure if you have either of these services or how familiar you are with your bill but I dare you to go review it then finish reading this post without becoming irate. I currently pay approximately $60/month for my DirecTV service then an additional $8/month per receiver box for my satellite service. Now maybe this is a wild concept and if I am alone in my thoughts I will reconsider my brewing hatred for DirecTv, however, if I pay for a service I expect the company to maintain that service. This would include troubleshooting and resolving any issues that interrupt my service.

The other day my receiver malfunctioned interrupting my satellite service. We called the customer service line for DirecTV. The woman that had the misfortune of handling our call informed us that she could not remotely fix our problem and we would need to have the receiver replaced. OK no big deal, send us the receiver. PROBLEM!! There is a $20 shipping fee for her to send us a replacement. What the (insert any expletive you would like)!!! I immediately became furious. Yes the fee is only $20 but that it is not the point. I should pause to say that we spoke to DirecTV a few days prior and arranged for them to come fix another issue of ours in which we had to pay, in advance, $49 solely because we were having a technician come out to the house.  I personally think it is ridiculous for me to pay for a service only to be charged additional fees to maintain or fix the service when there is a problem.

The icing on the cake is this not so smart customer service woman had the audacity to reply to my complaint with the option to pay an additional $6/month for the technician/service plan which covers any maintenance fees and service fees. Once again what the (insert expletive). Luckily this lady was not physically in front of me. I would have slapped her. I explained to her that it is not wise to advise someone to pay an additional monthly fee when they are complaining that your company charges too many fees. She made another mistake when she then said to me that in life you have to pay for your services. I won't draw this story out any further. Needless to say in the end she waived my $20 fee. 

I have shared all this to say that this is very common. AT&T does the same thing. We need to stand up to these companies. NO MORE FEES. I mean honestly it is not fair that I pay a monthly bill for a service only to be charged additional fees to maintain that service. I can understand if I spill water on my receiver box causing my service interruption but when the interruption is due to no fault of my own then by George DirecTV send someone out to fix it. Fixing it includes replacing any parts or equipment and this should all be FREE because in actuality it is not free. I have already paid for such customer service in my monthly bill. I refuse and I do mean refuse to accept such terms. I'll pay $8/month for Hulu and just watch all my TV shows a week late before I allow these companies to continue to take advantage of me.

Just Getting Started

It's the new year so I have decided to start this blogging project. I don't really have any big or great reason to start other than I think the idea of sharing my random thoughts and feelings with cyberspace is pretty cool. I got the idea of "Cassandra's Corner" from my best friend. In high school whenever my friends would ask for my advice they would say " I need Cassandra's Corner". When we passed notes in class we would put it at the top of the note if it was one asking for advice. I felt the title befitting since I intend to randomly share my thoughts and opinions with any interested to read.

So today I went back to work after a blissful holiday break. Needless to say getting back into the routine was a little rocky. The Husband, as I adoringly call him, and I got out the house late today. This is usually the custom, however,  we left later than usual. Today is trash day so we were delayed by first gathering all the boxes and junk we have from the holidays and painting the house this weekend. Then I couldn't find my cell phone, which happens way too often. You'll see that I lose that thing at least twice a day daily. I found the phone and got in the car when I realized I left my homemade smoothie on the counter, so I had to go back in the house to get it then we were off. Oh, did I mention the Husband I carpool to work. Of course I forgot to take something out to cook for dinner so Mexican it is. I love Mexican food so believe me when I say I'm glad I forgot to take something out for dinner. I got to work and answered a call from my mother which led to a disagreement. Not a good start to the day.

As is to be expected I had a ton of emails to sift through and a ton of tasks to complete due to my almost two weeks absence from work. I spent most of the day focused on my various tasks but let's be honest I couldn't stay one hundred percent focused. Five o'clock came too fast and too slow depending on how you want to look at it. It was too fast for me to complete all I needed to do and too slow because all I wanted to do is get home. With almost two weeks out I am not ready for all this work so fast.

Sitting here blabbering about my day has been quite refreshing. I'm looking forward to what tomorrow will bring for me to share.