Push Presents

When I first heard of push presents I thought to myself "we women are absurd and will come up with anything to get presents from our significant others". Don't let me lie; there was no we in that thought. If you could not infer what a push present is from the name, it's a present given to the mother from the father to thank her and honor her for pushing out (birthing) their precious baby. Initially I told my husband there was no need for a push present. Like I said, I thought women were being a little absurd. OnceI became pregnant, I was completely on board with the whole push present idea and immediately let The Husband know that I would be expecting one.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I had a very smooth pregnancy, but there are some parts of pregnancy that are just scientifically going to happen and one of them is being tired all the time. I slept through my first trimester. This is not a hyperbole. I literally slept through my first trimester. I took three naps daily at work and would fall into a coma the minute we got home. I would literally walk into the door and flop down on the sofa, in my work clothes, and fall asleep. This meant that the husband took on ALL the house duties and puppy duties. My coma sleeps magically stopped during my second trimester but then the whole "nesting" thing kicked in and I dragged my husband around registering at baby stores and pointing out things I wanted for the house and nursery. During this time our little cub was moving about and creating little discomforts so I took full advantage of massages and foot rubs; these of course carried over into the third trimester. Needless to say, my husband did a lot to keep me happy, comfortable, and stress free. I was so grateful to have him by my side that I bought him a "papa's patience present". I'm not sure but I think I totally created this. I bought him a present for being so patient, loving, and overall amazing. I was eight months pregnant when I bought it and gave it to him. It wasn't anything special, just a video game to let him know he was appreciated. Well after experiencing labor and delivery my husband said to me "anyone who thinks a woman doesn't deserve a push present is out of their mind" and last night I got my push present. Husband did good...I got a pair of earrings with my cub's birthstone. They are absolutely gorgeous and I can't think of a better push present. I tell you that husband of mine always manages to amaze me even after 9 years of being together. Bear if you are reading this I love you so much....and not just because of my push present (wink).

First Day Back At Work

So today I went back to work. This was truly one of the first times in my life that I followed through and did something although I had mixed emotions. As a general rule I prefer to only do things that I am sure about; I have a theory that you end up with fewer regrets that way.

It was definitely difficult to leave my cub today but my coworkers did help make the transition back to work a little easier. There was a lovely vase filled with flowers and balloons waiting in my office. Sitting in my chair at my desk felt so weird. Everything was exactly how I left it but I almost felt as if I was someone else office. When we started our usual Monday morning staff meeting I felt like a stranger. They were discussing appointments and upcoming events and I was completely out of the loop. Of course this was expected but it's different when you actually begin to experience it.

I thought about my cub all day so it helped that I got to talk about him all day. Yep I was ready with my stories and my pictures. I couldn't wait to share my precious cub with everyone. I spent most of the day talking about him and settling back in to the swing of being at work. With the exception of cleaning out my emails and getting caught up on the office functions, no one expected anything of me. I am grateful to them for that.

 Now that I am home I am exhausted. I finally see what my husband has been trying to get me to understand all this time. This exhaustion is a little different than the exhaustion you feel from taking care of your baby all day. I can honestly say it's hard business to take care of your baby all night, wake the next morning for work, then return home to take care of your little one. It's only 8:30 p.m. and I can tell that it is going to be a rough night. I'm determined though because I want as much time with him as possible. I hate that we didn't get home until a little after 6:00 p.m. because we traditionally bathe him at 7:00 p.m. and begin the ritual for putting him down for the night. I hate that my time with him is shorter. I find myself just holding and staring at him like I could make up an entire day's worth of time. I'm sure it will get easier and I will find ways to maximize my time with him.  I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

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Step by Step

I'm finally beginning to see it get better. As I have shared my adventures as a new parent, I have received the reply "it gets better". Although I knew this to be true, I was not in a place to receive it because things were so tough. My little cub was very fussy. We did everything to address this. We started with changing  his formula. My son was extremely gassy largely due to his formula.Changing his formula  was one of the best decisions we have made as parents thus far. Automatically his fussiness decreased.  We changed his bath time which seems to align perfectly with his feeding time. This allows us to put him down for bed at a better time and he seems more relaxed as well. Lastly, we moved his crib back into his room and now he sleeps in his own room. This last one may benefit us more so than the cub. Basically, while he sleeps he makes a lot of noise. I learned through reading and other parents that babies are not sound sleepers. I don't know where they got that saying "I slept like a baby" because babies go in and out of several sleep patterns and are quite vocal while they sleep. Well, for a new mommy this can make sleeping very difficult. Every little sound he made had me jumping up and checking on him. Now with him in the other room and me being forced to only hear him through the monitor I am not as jumpy as I initially was.  All in all the nighttime is so much better. It also helps that he only wakes up twice in the middle of the night for feeding and immediately goes back to sleep. This gives me hope that he will soon start sleeping through the night.

He has also started smiling and interacting with us. This makes the joys so much more joyful. I love seeing his face light up when he smiles and talks to me in his baby talk. Well more like baby sounds but I know he is communicating with me. It's one of the most precious things. It's also amazing how fast he is growing and developing. He can hold up his head now and he tries to grab things. He also pushes up with his legs. My little cub is getting really strong.

I am a huge advocate of the Baby Einstein DVDs. Our little cub loves his Baby Beethoven DVD. When I pop it in he immediately becomes focused on the images flashing across the screen. They use colors and images that stimulate brain activity while playing classical music. We'll watch to see if my cub is a genius (of course I already think he is).

Whoa I'm Turning 29

My ten year high school reunion passed recently. I absolutely can not believe I'm already ten years out of high school and even worse five years out of college. I do not know where the time went but it flew by extremely fast. The icing to this daunting realization is I turn 29 years old on December 24th. My final year in my twenties. Next year I will be 30!!! Oh and please spare me the "30 is the new 20". Who came up with that? Thirty is thirty and twenty is twenty. I can also do without the "you're only as old as you feel" because sometimes you're as old as you are. I'm  not sure how many people can relate but when I was around 13 years old I planned my entire life. Well, I planned my entire life up to 25. Apparently as a 13 year old I felt that age was the high point of a life span. It's amazing how as you get older you change your mind on what is considered old. I have a 12 year old sister and I am positive that she considers me old. The reverse of that is I consider her to be extremely young. We were having sister night at my house not too long ago and I mentioned "Coming to America" and my little sisters had actually not seen that movie. I almost fainted. How could they not have seen "Coming to America". Seriously, that movie is an Eddie Murphy classic!!! Needless to say I felt so old. I had finally reached that point where I was removed from the new and young generation. I find myself saying things like "the music they make these days is horrible". I still don't care what you say the mid-90s music to early 2000-2001 is the best music ever. I mean this was the time that Outkast, SWV, Envogue, Juvenile, Tupac, TLC, Aaliyah, Destiny's Child were at their prime and this is just to name a few. I still hear that Do or Die song and think to myself "this group wasn't even one of the best out but they still put most of what is out today to shame". I could go on and on and don't get me started on the cartoons. Like I said, I am officially "old". I'll embrace it though because honestly I have no choice. I want to do a quick walk down memory lane of some of my favorite things from my youth as I embrace my new stage in life:

1. Jem and Holograms
2. Before there was Xena warrior princess there was Shera
3. Boy Meets World
4. Transformers
5. Laffy Taffy, Nerds, Now and Later, Ring Pop, Push Pop and Pixie Stix (who am I kidding I still eat these)
6. Care Bears
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
8. Nintendo with Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt then Sega with Sonic the Hedge Hog
9. Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, The Flintstones, The Snorks, The Smurfs, and The Wuzzles
10. Lisa Frank
11. New Kids on the Block (that Step by Step song was awesome and you know it)
12. Back Pack purses
13. Lipsmackers

Colic...Definitely of the Devil

First let me say that we had an amazing Thanksgiving Holiday. The family came by and we had a blast. Since every one was at my house for the festivities it was a little exhausting but all in all well worth it.

The Lawrences on Thanksgiving Day

Now, on to the adventure of having a newborn. I would like to preface this post by stating I do not agree with creating terms or words that have absolutely no true meaning. You know these types of words, they are the ones where the word you are trying to define is used in the definition. For instance procrastination is the act of procrastinating ( I am not sure if this is the definition I just wanted to have an example...you get my drift). Such a word to me is colic. Pediatricians and baby books throw that word around like it actually means something and if your baby has colic or is colicky then there is a treatment or list of steps to take to abate it....WRONG. For some reason these experts created the term colic which essentially just means your baby is fussy for no reason. Instead of creating the term as if it is treatable, just say that your baby is fussy for no reason.  I've done a ton of research to see if there is some way to treat colic and in the end the answer is NO. Basically, you should plant your feet and prepare yourself for piercing gut-wrenching crying that will last hours and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it or make it better.

Last night my cub went into one of these crying rages which essentially put me and Papa Bear in the 11th circle of Hell (Dante obviously did not have kids so he was not aware of the additional levels of Hell). For almost three hours my cub cried and flailed about. We changed diapers, fed, burped, rocked, swung, bathed, and swaddled our cub, resulting only in exhausting ourselves. I tried everything I had read including skin to skin contact. Needless to say me sitting in my living room half naked with my cub was a waste of time. Oh and the 5 S  thing met it's match in my cub because he wasn't having it. If you aren't aware of the 5 S's it's five recommendations for soothing or calming your baby. A lot of experts, including the all-knowing Dr. Phil, swear by them. I'm not saying they don't work; I'm only saying that my cub was not responding to it last night. If you ever find yourself in our shoes try them...heck I say try any and everything.

Of course as he escalated in his rage this caused him to get hot and sweat which caused him to fuss more. It seemed as if nothing could or would please him. I must have borrowed some patience from my Heavenly Father because amazingly I did not become frustrated last night. Believe me if you don't have children it's very easy to become frustrated during such times. After three hours of pain my cub finally calmed down and went to sleep. As I watched him drift off all I could think was "Son, you better be glad I love you". Then I kissed his forehead and laid him down for the night...well for the next three hours.

A Good Nite's Sleep

So the mother-in-law (I actually hate this term so going forward she will be referred to as The Abuela) took complete baby duty all night last night. I actually went to bed around 10 p.m. and did not wake up until after 5 a.m. The husband and I are so grateful. I woke this morning actually feeling rested. It has been a while since I have slept through the night. While I was pregnant sleeping became impossible so even before the arrival of my cub I have been sleep deprived.

Well thanks to a good night's sleep I was able to do some things with my cub that for the past weeks I have felt too tired to do or time did not permit me to do because I would try to nap as soon as my soon took one.  I suited up the cub and we went for his first stroll. My sister was here to help me clean so she tagged along and brought our dog Pancho. Just as we are enjoying our stroll my amazing dog stops in a neighbor's yard and you're probably already ahead of me...poops. Great!!! I brought everything I could think of for the baby (just in case stuff...what can I say I'm a new mom and sometimes I overdo it) but I did not bring the bags so I could pick up behind my pup. So to fix the problem we stole one of the neighbor's newspapers  to scoop up the poop. Now hold your horses. I know what you're thinking which is worse stealing a newspaper or leaving poop in a neighbor's yard. Well it was one of the junk mail newspapers...you know the one they send to every house full of local coupons and stuff. Plus my thought was they couldn't care about it since it was still in the driveway. Anyways, the cub enjoyed our little outing and I am glad too because mommy needs to start doing something towards addressing the new mommy figure she has.

When we got back to the house I fed the cub and put him down for a nap. When he woke up I was still feeling good so we had a blast playing on his baby mat. As I type this I realize I have no idea what that thing is called but it's one of those development toys where you place the baby on his back and there are toys dangling above his head for him to try to reach. He absolutely loved it. We even danced to his Baby Einstein DVD. He actually likes some of the music. Every time I play it he becomes completely quiet and you can tell he is really focused (this could all just totally be in my head). So I realized that I need to rest well at night. It allows me to interact and play with my cub instead of feeding him and trying to find ways to make him fall asleep so I can nap too. I'm ashamed a little to admit that's all I do everyday. But now I see a new way and it is all in a good night's sleep.

The Moment that Changed Everything

I've gone on and on about my cub but have yet to share the story of his arrival. Here it goes...

Saturday, October 22, 2011
I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant and Halloween was right around the corner. Although I had been placed on bed rest due to the slight elevation in my blood pressure, I was determined to go to a pumpkin patch.  I really wanted to pick a pumpkin, carve it, then roast pumpkin seeds. My sister Nikki and I did it the previous year and I am all about traditions. I called the mother and arranged for her and the sisters to come with the husband and me to a pumpkin patch. I did some research and was excited to go to this farm that had hayrides, a corn maze, and a petting zoo. I was sure that my niece and nephew would love the experience.I was right; the whole family had a blast.

Last Picture Taken Before I Delivered

I made sure to take it easy the entire time but when we got home I had a slight headache. I took a Tylenol but two hours later I still had no relief. The husband and I got in the car and headed to the women's center at Wellstar Hospital. We quickly learned that my blood pressure was spiking to some unfriendly numbers. Let me interject and say that I had an amazingly smooth pregnancy up to my 37th week. I didn't experience any sickness or nausea. My iron, cholesterol, protein, and sugar levels were all amazing. I gained the exact amount of weight advised by my doctors and my energy levels were great. This new blood pressure issue was a shock to both me and my doctors. My doctor decided to keep me overnight for observation. There were no signs of preclampsia so the thought was that I may be experiencing pregnancy induced hypertension.

Sunday, October 23, 2011
My doctor came in to discuss his concerns about my blood pressure. The numbers were high enough to give concern but not in seizure range where I should be screaming inside. Essentially, since I was officially 39 weeks, he felt the best thing to do was deliver the baby. There was only one small yet big problem; my cervix was absolutely unprepared for labor and delivery. Here I was 39 weeks and my cervix was completely closed and thick. The recommendation was for me to undergo a treatment of Cervidil which would soften my cervix and assist it with preparation for labor. If the Cervidil did what it was supposed to then they would induce me. This Cervidil would need to be inserted (I won't detail where I'm sure you get it) and remain for 12 hours. Afterwards they would check me and possibly do a second treatment. I opted in for the treatment. For anyone possibly considering this treatment make sure that your nurse is gentle and compassionate. The Cervidil makes your cervix very tender and when they come to check on your progress if they are not gentle it will not be a fun day for you. I had some beast of a woman as my nurse and sad to say because of her this was the worst part of my labor and delivery. Well, that details Sunday.

Monday, October 24, 2011
The Cervidil worked!!! My cervix was softened enough for me to be induced. I was officially hooked up to an IV and we began the process of waiting for that magic number, 10. Initially I was progressing well and the doctors were very shocked and excited that everything was going to plan. Those contractions finally got the better of me and once I reached four centimeters I opted for the epidural. I wish I knew my anesthesiologist's name because that shot was one of the easiest and best shots I have ever received. Everything was great until a little after 8 p.m. I started to feel contractions again. No one believed me initially. They thought I was feeling the pressure of the baby, which apparently the epidural does not get rid of. Well once they took me seriously and realized "whoa she really is feeling the contractions again" they inserted an internal monitor and realized that my contractions were abnormally strong and my cervix was reverting. What do you mean reverting; I didn't know it could do that. Needless to say  my doctors said no more and I was prepped for surgery. My son was born at 9:19 p.m. He weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 20 inches long. When I saw him I immediately thought to myself, before passing out due to the meds, wow he looks just like my husband.

If you have to have a cesarean I want to leave you with these few things:

1. The room where they conduct the surgery is freakishly cold.
2. I'm not sure if this is customary across the board but they may strap your arms down similar to Jesus on the cross.
3. They will advise you that once they begin to pull out the baby you will feel a lot of pressure but you must remember to breathe. This is easier said than done because that pressure feels like someone is standing on your throat. Imagine breathing while someone is standing on your throat.

With all this being said I would do it all again if it means that the end result is my little cub.

It's Not Just Wall Street

Occupy Wall Street, Occupy Atlanta and whatever other Occupy groups are out there just earned a new voice. The direction companies are moving in is absolutely insane and unacceptable. Every morning I hear on the news the various ways banks are gauging their customers but no one talks about companies like AT&T and DirecTV. Literally, the fees they impose are criminal. I'm not sure if you have either of these services or how familiar you are with your bill but I dare you to go review it then finish reading this post without becoming irate. I currently pay approximately $60/month for my DirecTV service then an additional $8/month per receiver box for my satellite service. Now maybe this is a wild concept and if I am alone in my thoughts I will reconsider my brewing hatred for DirecTv, however, if I pay for a service I expect the company to maintain that service. This would include troubleshooting and resolving any issues that interrupt my service.

The other day my receiver malfunctioned interrupting my satellite service. We called the customer service line for DirecTV. The woman that had the misfortune of handling our call informed us that she could not remotely fix our problem and we would need to have the receiver replaced. OK no big deal, send us the receiver. PROBLEM!! There is a $20 shipping fee for her to send us a replacement. What the (insert any expletive you would like)!!! I immediately became furious. Yes the fee is only $20 but that it is not the point. I should pause to say that we spoke to DirecTV a few days prior and arranged for them to come fix another issue of ours in which we had to pay, in advance, $49 solely because we were having a technician come out to the house.  I personally think it is ridiculous for me to pay for a service only to be charged additional fees to maintain or fix the service when there is a problem.

The icing on the cake is this not so smart customer service woman had the audacity to reply to my complaint with the option to pay an additional $6/month for the technician/service plan which covers any maintenance fees and service fees. Once again what the (insert expletive). Luckily this lady was not physically in front of me. I would have slapped her. I explained to her that it is not wise to advise someone to pay an additional monthly fee when they are complaining that your company charges too many fees. She made another mistake when she then said to me that in life you have to pay for your services. I won't draw this story out any further. Needless to say in the end she waived my $20 fee. 

I have shared all this to say that this is very common. AT&T does the same thing. We need to stand up to these companies. NO MORE FEES. I mean honestly it is not fair that I pay a monthly bill for a service only to be charged additional fees to maintain that service. I can understand if I spill water on my receiver box causing my service interruption but when the interruption is due to no fault of my own then by George DirecTV send someone out to fix it. Fixing it includes replacing any parts or equipment and this should all be FREE because in actuality it is not free. I have already paid for such customer service in my monthly bill. I refuse and I do mean refuse to accept such terms. I'll pay $8/month for Hulu and just watch all my TV shows a week late before I allow these companies to continue to take advantage of me.

I heard the dreaded words..."you have a viral infection".

Earlier this week I started feeling sick. Of course with a three week old baby in the house I practically ran to the doctor's office so I could first learn what ailment I have and secondly GET RID OF IT. All I could think was I hope my baby doesn't get sick. They did an x-ray, gave me some type of gas through a mask, and pumped me with steroids and antibiotics. According to them my body was handling the viral infection so we just needed to address the bacterial infection brought on from the viral infection.

I rarely get sick and when I do I am the worst person to be around. This time it's a little different because I badly want to be around my baby and love all over him. Unfortunately, I can't do that because of this stupid viral infection. Strange thing is, and I am not ashamed to admit this, I've been thinking to myself that I would like a small break from baby duty. I've been so exhausted lately with taking care of my cub that the idea of a small break was becoming more and more appetizing by the day. Now here is a doctor telling me that I need to minimize my interaction with my baby until I am feeling better and this made me sad. I didn't want to minimize my time with my cub. I'm confused!!! Basically I need to rest or have some small me time but the thought of being away from him is a little scary. I haven't spent time away from him since he was born. The hospital we chose doesn't have a nursery, so he was with us in the room the entire time. I do think it's time though. My younger sister and I are going to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 tonight. I think this small outing will be good for me. The cub will be home with Papa Bear so no worries right?

Precious Sleep How I Miss Thee

I have decided that either new moms don't want to sound bitter and grumpy or I am the only new mom having difficulty adjusting to my new demanding schedule. Everyone I spoke to during my pregnancy told me that I would be overwhelmed by love and I would enjoy every moment of being a new mom once my son arrived. No one told me about the overwhelming exhaustion and frustration. I do absolutely love my son. Every time I look at him my heart swells and I am overtaken by the knowledge that this precious being belongs to me. When he takes his tiny hand and wraps it around my finger, a million emotions run through me. I love pressing my cheek to his and feeling his skin against mine while I listen to his soft breathing. Well, this pretty picture I  just painted gets brutally washed away by the high shrills of his cries when I don't get his bottle made in the Godlike time in which my son expects.  Late night feedings are the worst.The routine usually goes like this:

• My slumber is interrupted by the piercing cries of Antonio
• I slide out of bed and grab a pamper, Vaseline, wipes, alcohol, a Q-tip, bib, and burp cloth. I go over to his crib and change his diaper while he fights me kicking and screaming.
• I get a prepared bottle and add the formula powder, shake it up, and then pick up my son.
• He eats then I begin the process of trying to help him burp.
• After an eternity, he burps and the rocking begins. Once he falls asleep we go to his crib where I swaddle him and put him down.
• I return to bed and pray that sleep takes me soon because we will repeat these steps in 1.5-2.5 hours.

What I wouldn't give for one day of uninterrupted sleep. It's not healthy to look over at your husband and want to kick him because he looks peacefully asleep. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would  be envious of someone being able to sleep. I know what you're thinking; sleep when he is sleeping. This is easier said than done. During the day time I try to sleep when he is sleeping; however, every time I attempt this I think of a thousand things I need to do. I pretty much follow the same routine during the day as outlined for the night. Once I put him down my other responsibilities come to mind. By the time I have paid bills, scheduled appointments, ordered things I need for the house or Antonio, pumped, or straightened up from the day's activities, Antonio wakes up ready to start the diaper and feeding process....bye bye sleep.

 I never knew I could be so exhausted. I swear if someone recorded me during the night feedings I would appear zombie like and almost dead. The other night I prepared a bottle by pouring the entire serving of powder for his formula on my hand instead of in the bottle. Don't ask how it happened because I don't completely understand myself. I must say that my strength is renewed daily. Each day I start the day with the hope and optimism that it will be better than the day before. His big bright beautiful eyes help to erase all the frustration from the day before. When he looks at me and make that cooing sound I almost forget how exhausted I am. Well I think I just realized why no one warned me of the exhaustion and frustration...the child's magic set in and made them forget.

Breastfeeding and Humble Pie

So in my previous post I mentioned that breastfeeding has been a bit of a challenge. Throughout my pregnancy, people would often ask me if I took or plan on taking any breastfeeding classes. Fellow preggars advised of great breastfeeding books that helped them. Let's just say I was a bit arrogant concerning the topic. In my mind women have been breastfeeding for ages. What did women do when there were no books or classes to assist them with breastfeeding?  Every time my OB/GYN office mentioned a lactation specialist I laughed a little on the inside because I just knew without a doubt that they were making a mountain out of a mole hill. In other words if breastfeeding is complicated its because you make it complicated. Boy am I ever eating a huge slice of humble pie. Actually I think I am eating the whole pie!

First let me share that once I came through in recovery the first thing the nurse asked me was did I feel like I could nurse. I happily replied yes. I couldn't wait for that bond with my son and to pass on all the nutrients and life I had inside me to him. I'm fast learning that I am way more traditional and maternal than I ever believed. We nursed just fine in that cold recovery room. As the feedings continued nursing was not so easy. My son would become frustrated with latching on and go into a hunger rage. I would become frustrated which was not good because I was sure my son could sense my frustration. Well the frustration began to turn into sadness. I was feeling like a failure. The one thing my son needed of me at that time and I couldn't provide it. Let me explain that the colostrum was coming out just fine; we were having latching issues. After witnessing one of my nursing episodes and the difficulty in getting my son to latch on, my nurse had a lactation specialist come to my room (my first bite of humble pie). The specialist quickly realized that the issue resided with my nipples. Apparently, my nipples are too flat and thus my son had a difficult time with locating them for suckling. She gave me a shield which helped and my son instantly was able to latch on  and suck. Yes I thought my worries are over. Boy was I wrong and about to eat my next slice of humble pie.

"We suggest you supplement with formula" were the worst words I had heard since my son was born. He dropped more than ten percent of his birth weight while we were still in the hospital. How could this be? I was nursing all the time. The "liquid gold" as the nurses called the colostrum was flowing and my son was well fed I thought. With the drop in weight the doctor suggested that we supplement with formula. It could still be a couple of days before my milk let down. I ate the slice of pie and began bottle feeding my son with formula. Well it took almost a whole week for my milk to come in and during that time my son had become accustomed to the quick flow of the bottle. Whenever we nursed he became quickly frustrated and would furiously cry. Of course this broke my spirits and I would acquiesce and bottle feed him. I began pumping and providing him with breast milk through the bottle. I still wanted to ensure that he got breast milk.

Between my exhaustion and the obvious lack of hours in a day I don't pump like I should. My son absolutely refuses to breastfeed, even going as far as to attempt to push my breast away. This is actually quite funny. That being said I'm not producing enough milk to cover all his feedings. Needless to say breastfeeding is a little trickier than I thought. My advice to future breast feeders...have some patience, read up as much as possible in advance and don't feel like a failure if in the end you choose Similac as the method to feed your growing child. I'm just getting over the disappointment in my breastfeeding woes. I felt like a failure for quite some time until I realized that the important thing is to have a healthy baby. My son has gained his weight back and is progressing well. Hopefully things will be better with the next child. One thing for sure I will not be so arrogant...I hate having to eat humble pie.

New Beginnings

On October 24th Husband and I welcomed our little cub into the world. I must say that it's an amazing feeling to be a mom. It's definitely one of those feelings that no one can explain. After waiting over a year to get pregnant, then finally learning we were pregnant, it feels amazing to have our son home with us. It has definitely been challenging though. I didn't know I could be so exhausted and emotional. Late night early morning feedings are definitely the worst. I can't wait until he is sleeping through the night. It's also been challenging trying to breastfeed. I must admit I was very arrogant concerning breastfeeding. People continuously asked me if I had taken any nursing classes and my thought was why on earth would I take classes to do something that women have done for ages without any class or instruction. In my opinion it should just come naturally. I'm fast learning that the most natural and simple things can easily be made difficult. Breastfeeding has been a journey, one of which I am still conquering. I'm sure there will be a blog dedicated to this journey soon.

There are great things about this new beginning. I feel as if my heart expands everyday. Each time I think I have reached the limits of my capability to love, I awaken to my son's face and find that my love has grown so much more. I'm truly learning that love is limitless. Prior to the birth of my son, or "cub" as I adoringly call him, I thought I understood the concept of unconditional love. I've always felt that I loved my husband, mother, father, and family  unconditionally. Now, I find myself realizing that unconditional love is more powerful than loving someone despite their flaws and misdeeds. How do you define or explain loving someone that has never spoken a word to you and never done anything for you? I realized that I loved this little person for no reason other than he exists. I love him just because. This level of love has really changed me; I have a greater understanding of my relationship with God. I understand how He views me and how He loves me. It's amazing how much you change from the onset of baby.  I eagerly look forward to the amazing lessons and adventures ahead. I'm sure I will learn so much about myself....this is only the beginning.

Just Getting Started

It's the new year so I have decided to start this blogging project. I don't really have any big or great reason to start other than I think the idea of sharing my random thoughts and feelings with cyberspace is pretty cool. I got the idea of "Cassandra's Corner" from my best friend. In high school whenever my friends would ask for my advice they would say " I need Cassandra's Corner". When we passed notes in class we would put it at the top of the note if it was one asking for advice. I felt the title befitting since I intend to randomly share my thoughts and opinions with any interested to read.

So today I went back to work after a blissful holiday break. Needless to say getting back into the routine was a little rocky. The Husband, as I adoringly call him, and I got out the house late today. This is usually the custom, however,  we left later than usual. Today is trash day so we were delayed by first gathering all the boxes and junk we have from the holidays and painting the house this weekend. Then I couldn't find my cell phone, which happens way too often. You'll see that I lose that thing at least twice a day daily. I found the phone and got in the car when I realized I left my homemade smoothie on the counter, so I had to go back in the house to get it then we were off. Oh, did I mention the Husband I carpool to work. Of course I forgot to take something out to cook for dinner so Mexican it is. I love Mexican food so believe me when I say I'm glad I forgot to take something out for dinner. I got to work and answered a call from my mother which led to a disagreement. Not a good start to the day.

As is to be expected I had a ton of emails to sift through and a ton of tasks to complete due to my almost two weeks absence from work. I spent most of the day focused on my various tasks but let's be honest I couldn't stay one hundred percent focused. Five o'clock came too fast and too slow depending on how you want to look at it. It was too fast for me to complete all I needed to do and too slow because all I wanted to do is get home. With almost two weeks out I am not ready for all this work so fast.

Sitting here blabbering about my day has been quite refreshing. I'm looking forward to what tomorrow will bring for me to share.