Playground Philosophy

We had an amazing weather weekend here in Atlanta and my family took full advantage. Being only five weeks postpartum I'd begun to go a little crazy from the lack of outside activity in my life. The past few weeks the only times I've left the house were to go to the doctor or to go grocery shopping. It always baffles me when I'm attacked by strangers for leaving the house and bringing my newborn out as well. Apparently, people still believe a newborn should not be brought outside until it's at least six weeks old, preferably eight weeks, despite the fact that the doctors all say it's perfectly fine for mommy and baby to get out and about. Well, with 60+ degree weather out and about is exactly what we did.

Both Saturday and Sunday we took the kiddies to the playground. To say our toddler had a ball would be an understatement. I of course still have to take it easy due to my c-section so I mainly just watched as my husband ran around the playground with our son. As I watched my son certain things began to stick out to me. Along this journey of being a parent I've learned that some of the most simplistic things we introduce to our children end up playing a key role in their development or understanding of life. For example the rattle. I always thought it was just a toy you use to entertain a baby. Apparently, that small unassuming object assists baby enhance her motor skills and  sight. As I watched the toddler I realized there are several life skills and lessons being developed on the playground.

Physical Activity

The obvious of course is physical activity. Despite the fact that I am supposed to be taking it easy I did sneak onto the playground this weekend. Let's just say I can't do half the things those kids are doing on the playground and it's not because I'm too big. I called myself climbing this spider ladder thing and my muscles are still sore. It's the best leg workout I've had in years.

Critical Thinking and Problem Solving
A lot of the play sets on the playground require kiddies to think through the best options/routes to take in order to achieve the goal. I watched my toddler as he analyzed his options and was quite proud of his problem solving skills.

Conquer Fear and Try Something New/Challenging

By far the best part was to watch him overcome his fears or to tackle something challenging. There were a couple of play sets that initially he wouldn't approach or attempt playing on because he was either afraid or it was too difficult for him to reach the top. After a while of playing I saw his confidence grow and he became very bold in his play often doing things mommy preferred he didn't.

Social Skills: Learning to Interact with Others

Up until five weeks ago my son was an only child. Additionally he just started daycare two months ago. This makes for a kid that doesn't quite play well with others because he doesn't quite understand give and take or the art of sharing. It may be genetic but he is a born socialite. He waves and says hello to all the kids big and small. He will just walk up to a group of kids and try to join in the play. Side not parents: teach your children it's impolite to tell another child you can't play with us. My son was told that this weekend and it broke my heart. Not true. It angered me and I wanted to go tell those kids a piece of my mind. Back to my observations. I watched as he appropriately waited his turn or exerted his dominance. The dominance thing is important because sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and not let the other kids run over you...literally in this case. Because he is small it is all too easy for the other kids to try to take his turn or push him to the side. What he doesn't do well yet is share his toys. In this case he exerts too much dominance as his idea of sharing his toys is him kicking the ball then commanding the other child to go fetch it and return it to him. Not sure if he is a natural born supervisor or dictator.

While the toddler was doing all this the new baby was doing this...

Good day for all I say.

 

*Disclaimer: These are the thoughts, observations, and ramblings of a mother and are not intended to be presented as scientific fact. ;)

Feeling guilty about not having mommy guilt

So, I know the title seems a bit weird and confusing. Well the gist of things is this; I miss work. I'm five weeks into my maternity leave and I miss my job. Now I read a lot of different mommy blogs and I have quite a few mommy friends on Facebook. All too often I see and read the posts about the war between stay at home moms and working moms. All too often I see this word guilt threaded throughout the discussions and debates. There is so much dialogue surrounding the guilt working mothers feel about the time they spend away from their darling children. Stay at home moms often discuss the desire to have something for themselves outside the home and the guilt they feel surrounding that desire. I have yet to see any dialogue for the third perspective in this little drama and that is of the woman that feels no guilt. Let me explain.

I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade my new role for anything in the world. I wear my mommy hat proudly. I envision myself to be a mixture of Claire Huxtable and Roseanne Arnold. Claire was always so polished and captivating. She had the career and the I can't believe you have children body. I loved her disciplining style because she never raised her voice or exhibited frustration. Roseanne's house was always a mess. She always had some crafty and unconventional way of disciplining the children that made for a good laugh. Well, I'm not always polished but I endeavour to be. I think I'm captivating  and so far I'm doing well with the whole frustration and raising of the voice thing. My house is always a mess; I take pride in this mess. The kiddies are two and under so I have some time to develop my crafty disciplining skills. I say all this to say that I take my mommy role seriously and, although I don't love every minute of it, I couldn't imagine my life any other way. But being a mommy isn't enough for me and I don't have guilt over this.

I used to think I wanted to be a stay at home mom until I had my first child. The entire time I was on maternity leave I missed work. Upon returning to work I didn't experience that gaping hole every one warned me of in which I would miss my child all day and hate the fact that I was back at work. The opposite happened. I quickly jumped back into the swing of things and found myself delving more into my work. I leave every morning glad to go to work and I don't feel guilty about it. Work fulfills something in me that I don't quite understand yet but I know that fulfillment allows me to be an even better mom. I have an extra joy because of it and I shower that joy on my family.

It took other moms probing and judging to make me question if something was wrong with me. Why don't I have that guilt that I read about of other working mothers? Then I began to question every decision and action I made since I learned I would be a mom. Why didn't I get that hysterical crying fit that pregnant women speak of? Why didn't I cry the first time I held my son and where was the overwhelming rush of love that was supposed to sweep over me? Why was I able to go on a date night with the husband six weeks after my son's birth and not have separation anxiety? Many would say I'm broken. They'd question my sanity and call me a cold and emotionless monster. Something has to be wrong because no mother should feel this way.

Much like a teenager learning to be confident in her own skin I had to learn to be secure in who I am as a mother. I had to learn that the only rule, or ingredient shall I say, to being a good mother is to love my children as Christ loved me. I also began to remember something from my marriage counseling. The priest explained to us the importance of keeping each other happy and how through our happiness our children would be happy. Of course he was speaking about the marriage but I realised this applies to the individual as well. In order for me to give joy I must possess joy. You can't give what you don't have. I understand that at this point in my life working builds me up and makes me happy. Knowing this, I walk boldly and proudly as a mom and I rest peacefully at night. No guilt at all.