Breastfeeding The Second Time Around

Before I ever became pregnant I committed in heart that I would breastfeed. Well I had my first child, my delightful and very handsome baby boy and breastfeeding went nothing like I imagined and was far from the fairy tale painted in all the magazines in my OB's office. For the full journey refer to my post Breastfeeding and Humble Pie.

I felt completely defeated and like the ultimate failure that I couldn't grasp something that I thought should come natural to me. I mean literally natural to me. This only fueled my determination to breastfeed with cub # 2. And breastfeed we did. Some things I had to do based on my lessons learned from cub #1 and my journey so far with cub # 2:

• If at all possible don't supplement with formula and don't introduce the bottle too early.

With my son part of my trouble started when the doctor asked us to supplement with formula since my son dropped 10% of his birth weight while still in the hospital. Well I determined this go round that 6.5 lbs was still a good birth weight so I refused. Baby girl got back on track very quickly and we were off to a better start with breastfeeding. Here is the tricky part. I waited 6 weeks before introducing a bottle because I was too scared to mess up the good thing we had going. I was due to return to work at 8 weeks. I had so much trouble getting her to take a bottle. I will share that journey in another post.

• Don't use the breast shields.

Flat nipples or no-she will learn to latch onto what you got and will get what she needs. I had several breast shields with my first child because I was told our latching issues were due to the fact that my nipples aren't as pronounced as others (sorry to my male friend readers but if my journey can help other women I have to share). Those things only further complicated things. Didn't use them with the second child and we eventually got the hang of latching.

• Latching is a journey that I don't think you EVER master.

At least for me. Yeah nursing now at 6 months is pain free but I think this is because my nipples toughened up and not because baby girl actually learned how to properly latch. She does whatever she wants to my poor body. Which brings me to the next lesson...

• Babies don't care about you when it comes to the milk.

Bleeding, cracked, sore, raw, tender, peeling, scabbed over, and just downright mutilated they will wrap their chubby mouths around it and go for what they know. The soreness never goes away so buy stock in that lanolin stuff and keep some handy. Oh and at six months they learn the art of gnawing, biting, tugging, and digging their grabby little hands into your flesh. Yeah yeah remove them off the breast and say no. If your's is like mine they will find it funny and actually smile/laugh at you, latch back on, and do it again. Good luck!

• Producing milk is a science only understood by no one.

My milk production is all over the place. This I'm sure has a lot to do with the fact that currently my work environment challenges my ability to pump during the day when away from baby. Not that my boss and leaders aren't supportive of me pumping at works but more so because it is too difficult to fit in three pumping sessions when I have meetings scheduled all day and when I'm not in meetings I have other things I need to get done. It's difficulty to pull away to a lactation room, hook up my gear, pump for 15 minutes, clean all my gear, then return to my desk. I literally exhaust 30 minutes doing this. So most days I get in one pump. Well that royally messes up my production. I've tried it all; pumping an extra 8 minutes after she nurses, providing her bottles only when I am at work and allowing her to nurse for all the other feedings, drinking fenugreek and plenty of water, and setting aside quite time for baby and I to bond while nursing. Results....my milk production is low and I am not producing enough for baby.  It's a challenge that only leads to me stressing which I believe only makes all of it more difficult. My recent decision....pump when I can and nurse in the morning and at night. Any feedings I don't have breast milk for will be handled with formula and now solid foods as we are now introducing baby girl to solids. Oddly enough since I made this decision my production has increased by 2 ounces in only one week. We'll see what happens...

So I wrote a bunch to say this....each breastfeeding journey will be different because hey each baby is different. I'm glad that this go round I was actually able to breastfeed and dare I say it....I enjoy my little quiet moments with my bambino (except when she is gnawing and biting). I made it six months and I haven't quit the job; I've gone part-time. The biggest advise I can give on breastfeeding is do what works for you and baby.

A letter to my son

So I am definitely that mom taking tons of pictures of my little ones, saving them to Shutterfly and Snapfish, creating all types of memory books and scrapbooks. I am quite proud of the fact that my two year old son's baby book is up to date and full of loving memories of his life thus far. The other day I finally sat down in a rare moment of silence and managed to write my letter to him. My original desire was to have the letter penned before he was born but I could never settle on the words to say. After finally completing the short but what I feel to be the perfect letter, I decided the words were applicable to every one I love. So...I have decided to share it here. May you as the reader find yourself in these words.




My Dearest Antonio,

As your parents there is so much we want to say to you and so much we want for you. First and foremost we want you to know and feel that you are loved. We want a home for you filled with joy and laughter. We will endeavor to be good role models. In life there will be many things that will challenge or sadden you. It is our hope that you will be strong enough and confident enough to overcome them all. I can't promise that we will never fail you. I can't promise that you will love or agree with everything we do. What we do promise is to love you always and to give the best of who we are and what we have.

In life the bravest thing you can ever do is try. So try son. Try new things. Try to be good. Try to be loving and understanding. Do these things boldly. Trust in God and in who you are.

We love you son!

Playground Philosophy

We had an amazing weather weekend here in Atlanta and my family took full advantage. Being only five weeks postpartum I'd begun to go a little crazy from the lack of outside activity in my life. The past few weeks the only times I've left the house were to go to the doctor or to go grocery shopping. It always baffles me when I'm attacked by strangers for leaving the house and bringing my newborn out as well. Apparently, people still believe a newborn should not be brought outside until it's at least six weeks old, preferably eight weeks, despite the fact that the doctors all say it's perfectly fine for mommy and baby to get out and about. Well, with 60+ degree weather out and about is exactly what we did.

Both Saturday and Sunday we took the kiddies to the playground. To say our toddler had a ball would be an understatement. I of course still have to take it easy due to my c-section so I mainly just watched as my husband ran around the playground with our son. As I watched my son certain things began to stick out to me. Along this journey of being a parent I've learned that some of the most simplistic things we introduce to our children end up playing a key role in their development or understanding of life. For example the rattle. I always thought it was just a toy you use to entertain a baby. Apparently, that small unassuming object assists baby enhance her motor skills and  sight. As I watched the toddler I realized there are several life skills and lessons being developed on the playground.

Physical Activity

The obvious of course is physical activity. Despite the fact that I am supposed to be taking it easy I did sneak onto the playground this weekend. Let's just say I can't do half the things those kids are doing on the playground and it's not because I'm too big. I called myself climbing this spider ladder thing and my muscles are still sore. It's the best leg workout I've had in years.

Critical Thinking and Problem Solving
A lot of the play sets on the playground require kiddies to think through the best options/routes to take in order to achieve the goal. I watched my toddler as he analyzed his options and was quite proud of his problem solving skills.

Conquer Fear and Try Something New/Challenging

By far the best part was to watch him overcome his fears or to tackle something challenging. There were a couple of play sets that initially he wouldn't approach or attempt playing on because he was either afraid or it was too difficult for him to reach the top. After a while of playing I saw his confidence grow and he became very bold in his play often doing things mommy preferred he didn't.

Social Skills: Learning to Interact with Others

Up until five weeks ago my son was an only child. Additionally he just started daycare two months ago. This makes for a kid that doesn't quite play well with others because he doesn't quite understand give and take or the art of sharing. It may be genetic but he is a born socialite. He waves and says hello to all the kids big and small. He will just walk up to a group of kids and try to join in the play. Side not parents: teach your children it's impolite to tell another child you can't play with us. My son was told that this weekend and it broke my heart. Not true. It angered me and I wanted to go tell those kids a piece of my mind. Back to my observations. I watched as he appropriately waited his turn or exerted his dominance. The dominance thing is important because sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and not let the other kids run over you...literally in this case. Because he is small it is all too easy for the other kids to try to take his turn or push him to the side. What he doesn't do well yet is share his toys. In this case he exerts too much dominance as his idea of sharing his toys is him kicking the ball then commanding the other child to go fetch it and return it to him. Not sure if he is a natural born supervisor or dictator.

While the toddler was doing all this the new baby was doing this...

Good day for all I say.

 

*Disclaimer: These are the thoughts, observations, and ramblings of a mother and are not intended to be presented as scientific fact. ;)

Feeling guilty about not having mommy guilt

So, I know the title seems a bit weird and confusing. Well the gist of things is this; I miss work. I'm five weeks into my maternity leave and I miss my job. Now I read a lot of different mommy blogs and I have quite a few mommy friends on Facebook. All too often I see and read the posts about the war between stay at home moms and working moms. All too often I see this word guilt threaded throughout the discussions and debates. There is so much dialogue surrounding the guilt working mothers feel about the time they spend away from their darling children. Stay at home moms often discuss the desire to have something for themselves outside the home and the guilt they feel surrounding that desire. I have yet to see any dialogue for the third perspective in this little drama and that is of the woman that feels no guilt. Let me explain.

I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade my new role for anything in the world. I wear my mommy hat proudly. I envision myself to be a mixture of Claire Huxtable and Roseanne Arnold. Claire was always so polished and captivating. She had the career and the I can't believe you have children body. I loved her disciplining style because she never raised her voice or exhibited frustration. Roseanne's house was always a mess. She always had some crafty and unconventional way of disciplining the children that made for a good laugh. Well, I'm not always polished but I endeavour to be. I think I'm captivating  and so far I'm doing well with the whole frustration and raising of the voice thing. My house is always a mess; I take pride in this mess. The kiddies are two and under so I have some time to develop my crafty disciplining skills. I say all this to say that I take my mommy role seriously and, although I don't love every minute of it, I couldn't imagine my life any other way. But being a mommy isn't enough for me and I don't have guilt over this.

I used to think I wanted to be a stay at home mom until I had my first child. The entire time I was on maternity leave I missed work. Upon returning to work I didn't experience that gaping hole every one warned me of in which I would miss my child all day and hate the fact that I was back at work. The opposite happened. I quickly jumped back into the swing of things and found myself delving more into my work. I leave every morning glad to go to work and I don't feel guilty about it. Work fulfills something in me that I don't quite understand yet but I know that fulfillment allows me to be an even better mom. I have an extra joy because of it and I shower that joy on my family.

It took other moms probing and judging to make me question if something was wrong with me. Why don't I have that guilt that I read about of other working mothers? Then I began to question every decision and action I made since I learned I would be a mom. Why didn't I get that hysterical crying fit that pregnant women speak of? Why didn't I cry the first time I held my son and where was the overwhelming rush of love that was supposed to sweep over me? Why was I able to go on a date night with the husband six weeks after my son's birth and not have separation anxiety? Many would say I'm broken. They'd question my sanity and call me a cold and emotionless monster. Something has to be wrong because no mother should feel this way.

Much like a teenager learning to be confident in her own skin I had to learn to be secure in who I am as a mother. I had to learn that the only rule, or ingredient shall I say, to being a good mother is to love my children as Christ loved me. I also began to remember something from my marriage counseling. The priest explained to us the importance of keeping each other happy and how through our happiness our children would be happy. Of course he was speaking about the marriage but I realised this applies to the individual as well. In order for me to give joy I must possess joy. You can't give what you don't have. I understand that at this point in my life working builds me up and makes me happy. Knowing this, I walk boldly and proudly as a mom and I rest peacefully at night. No guilt at all.

Adjusting to Life with Two Children

So I did all the research I could to prepare for life with two children, a two year old and a new born. We had some major stages to address in this preparation such as potty training the toddler, transitioning the toddler from the crib to the big boy bed, and enrolling the toddler in daycare. We spoke to parents of multiples to get some on the job in the trenches advice. The most repeated advice wasn't really advice but a warning-"it's going to be hell in the beginning". Well, to everyone that said that, thank you. It has truly been hell. I am once again in awe of single parent homes and people that live away from family that can help. I feel like I have help the equivalent of celebrities and yet these past four weeks have not been a walk in the park.

First thing is breastfeeding. I unfortunately did not have the best of luck with breastfeeding my first child. You may recall an earlier blog post of mine titled Breastfeeding and Humble Pie. Well I was determined this time around. I pushed aside my arrogance and did the reading. I also harassed my lactation specialist and hooray we are successfully breastfeeding. Rewind- hooray drat we are successfully breastfeeding. Cub #2 will not take a pacifier. I am her only acceptable form for feeding and pacifying. That being said, I am exhausted. With Cub #1 the husband and the mother-in-law helped with feedings so I was able to rest and find time for myself. I've read all the suggestions to alleviate the burden, and yes I am using the word burden, of breastfeeding. Having my spouse burp the baby is not my idea of helping or alleviating the burden. I still have to wake up and nurse for 30 minutes. Five additional minutes spent burping is nothing at that point.

Moving on to sibling jealousy. We were warned that Cub #1 may begin to show signs of jealousy and act out or be mean to the baby. So far so good. He adores his little sister. He kisses on her all the time and makes it his duty to let me know when I need to go pick up the baby and care for her. Problem-my two year old is very ROUGH and has no idea of space and how he fits in it. That being said, I may need to buy my daughter a helmet. If anyone knows where to get an infant helmet please drop me a line. Also, Cub #1 wants to share everything with the baby. Basically, he doesn't understand why he can't play with the baby's things or have what she has.  He doesn't get upset when we take things or explain to him he can't play with it and we try to only restrict him from major things like the breast pump.This way we don't incite any jealousy. It's actually been quite nice watching him grow into a being a big brother and I am predicting that he will be the most protective of her.

What has been most difficult about life with two children has been keeping the normal routine going for child 1 while starting a routine with child 2. We haven't mastered this yet and I eagerly await the day we get a good flow going. The toddler is a bit of a challenge, not because of the sibling but because he is in full toddler mode. Everything is no followed by screams and high pitched shrills. He moves through the house at the speed of sonic the hedgehog with a devastation level to match. His dietary preference consists of ice cream, cookies, and Hershey kisses. Correcting the behaviour of a toddler is like teaching a dog to speak, speak not bark. I don't have anything insightful to add on this subject just yet so pray for me please.Oh and if any of you out there with multiples have any great advice on setting a routine or alleviating the breastfeeding burden shoot me a line. I go back to work in less than 4 weeks and I cannot imagine that life mixed with the current one.

Electing to Have a Second C-Section

To have the c-section  or not to have the c-section that is the question. I 'm not a hundred percent sure as to why I was so adamant about attempting to do what they call a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I unfortunately had to have an emergency c-section with my son. Most people naturally then elect to have a c-section with the second child. I on the other hand did not. My recovery from the first went very well so that was not the reason. I'm not that woman that needs to experience labor in order to feel like a woman so that was not the reason. In my mind a c-section was still surgery and carried with it all the risks of surgery. This was unsettling to me. Additionally, I still believed that the recovery from a vaginal delivery was better than that of a c-section. I was determined to attempt the VBAC.

Well at week 37 of my pregnancy the doctors were estimating that my child weighed 7 lbs 15 oz. I still had minimally 2 weeks left in my pregnancy, meaning my baby still had some growing to do. My OB felt that the baby would potentially be too big for me to attempt a VBAC with the largest concern being the possibility of my incision from the c-section rupturing. I was of course slightly disappointed but I trust my OB's judgement. The c-section was scheduled.

It's very different having a baby when you already know it's arrival date and time. There is no fanfare or nervous excitement. You literally arrive at the hospital and are escorted to your room. They begin prepping you, then at the designated time they waltz you down the hall to the operating room. This being my second c-section I was prepared for the extremely sterile and cold room. I was prepared to be strapped down to a table like Jesus on the cross. I was prepared for the blue curtain that would separate me from my baby and serve as a source of anxiety for the next several minutes. I was prepared to lose my ability to breathe the moment they began to pull the baby through the small incision. I was prepared to pass out moments after meeting my child because undoubtedly the anesthesiologist overdid it with the pain killers.

What you can never prepare for is how you will feel the moment you are first introduced to your little one. You can never prepare for that first moment you hold her in your arms or the first time you nurse her. All the steps were the same. Even the hospital was the same and yet once my daughter was here nothing was the same.

So to have the c-section or not really isn't the question. The question is how do I deliver my precious baby into the world in the safest and most peaceful way possible, because getting her here is all that truly matters.

Transitioning from At Home Care to A Daycare

It's been quite a journey transitioning the cub from being cared for by his Abuela (my mother-in-law) at home to being cared for at a daycare facility. With cub #2 on the scene we wanted to start our son in daycare before the baby was born so he wouldn't associate the change with the baby. The weeks leading up to his first day at "school" we did our best to explain it to him and get him excited about being a big boy and going to school like "Sid the Science Kid". My son loves "Sid the Science Kid" so we thought this would be a good character for him to relate to.

On his first day I was still pregnant and prohibited by Dr. Husband from driving, so we took him together. We had breakfast, took a picture to capture the moment, then headed to daycare. Of course on the first day we had some minor things to finalize so the cub played around the lobby and introduced himself to children as they walked by. This was looking promising. We took him to what would be his classroom and he immediately identified a toy he wanted to play with. Not wanting to draw things out we both said goodbye shortly after entering the room. The cub, kind of confused, said goodbye back and we left the room. We stood outside the room out of sight waiting to see if we would hear him cry. Silence--so we left. Later that day we were told he cried the entire day. This was a little painful to hear but we also expected it.

Antonio on his first day of school

 

 

Fast forward....
Over the next two weeks we experienced the following:
1. The cub had two colds and spent days out of daycare after having caught his cold at daycare. We went from having a child that was rarely sick (perhaps twice in his life so far) to a child always sick. We are constantly battling congestion, fevers, and runny noses.

2. The cub wakes up every morning and says "no school". The minute we would get him in the car he would become withdrawn and depressed.He wouldn't play at school and according to the teachers all he did was cry all day.

3. The cub became very needy and became a baby all over again. The temper tantrums and incessant crying increased. The dramatic meltdowns for attention increased.

4. The staff were not as polite and amazing as they were the day I toured and the few days I returned to the center to enroll the cub. In response to the incessant crying,  A lot of judgement was passed as to how we were parenting our child. A few of the staff members made comments to my husband and mother-in-law as to how our parenting style was affecting the cub's ability to adjust to daycare. First they told us that after two weeks most kids stop crying. I polled friends and learned that their children cried well past two weeks. I was additionally frustrated by this because prior to enrolling my cub I explained to them that my son had never been cared for by a stranger....NEVER!.  One lady decided to vent her frustration with having to deal with my crying son. Now I tend to be more confrontational than my husband and mother-in-law and I had sworn to have a meeting with the director and individuals in question if another comment was made. Well God intervened because miraculously things began to change.

Now...
1. The cub does very well at daycare and the staff are falling in love with him. He still says no school every morning but at least he is having fun now.

2. The cub's vocabulary is taking off at the speed of lightening and think this is partially due to daycare.

3. He is beginning to play with other children and even shares a little.

If your little one has never been cared for by a stranger and you are considering transitioning him to a daycare center make sure you have a talk with the director and his teachers to hash out a game plan. Pick their brains for suggestions to help with adjusting and be sure to voice your suggestions. We asked that the center allow us to bring his security blanket everyday. They agreed and it made the world of a difference. Now we are beginning to wean him off the blanket. He takes it in the car everyday but he doesn't take it into the center.

Starting Your Toddler in Daycare

I shared earlier that we are expecting our second cub, now slated to arrive any minute as today marks week 37 for us. The journey has been interesting to say the least but of course our focus has been on preparing our current cub for the transition and all the "joys" that are expected. The first joy  being daycare/childcare.

We have been very fortunate to have my mother care for our little cub while we both work. Additionally, ALL my family still resides in the metro area so I have a wealth of babysitters from which to choose. Coincidentally, my now two year old son has never been cared for by a stranger. I am sure you can imagine my anxiety surrounding the whole daycare thing and placing my cub's well-being in the hands of a stranger.
Having heard that this daycare search can be a bit of a hassle and that there are waiting lists and all other kinds of nonsense, we began the hunt for a place early this past summer. I did all the internet research and took days from work to go scout out these places. Beyond ensuring my child’s safety and providing general care I wasn’t sure as to what I really wanted in childcare. As a matter of fact, even after my internet research I wasn’t aware of half the stuff possible. With all that being said I was not properly prepared for what would happen during the daycare hunt. Here it is in a nutshell...

Start with your budget
I thought this was logical. No sense in looking at a daycare/childcare/learning center/academy that I can't afford. Well problem...No one advertises their cost/expenses. Each facility wants you to come in for a tour/consultation then discuss "tuition". By the way why is it called tuition? Moving right along. I am convinced they do this so you will come in, fall in love with the facility and staff, and enroll your child regardless of your budget. I can't lie; this almost happened to me. After visiting three locations, none of which did I know all the costs before meeting the staff and touring the facility, I felt so defeated by my options versus my budget that I almost selected the facility that was $6,480 over my budget. Seriously!!!

So maybe you should…

Start with what you want to achieve
This may be a little more logical. That way you have an idea of what items you are willing to go without and what items are must haves. When I rated the three places I visited, Daycare A was like Heaven. It was everything you wanted in a daycare for your child plus things you never knew you wanted. This was also the one $6, 480 over my budget. The next one I visited, Daycare B, felt like something on Elm Street...a complete nightmare. This was the one in my budget. They met the bare requirement; someone will watch my child and keep him alive Monday through Friday. I of course visited these two places one behind the other and felt utterly defeated. I am that type of parent that wants to give my child the moon but I couldn't afford the moon and what I could afford was a nightmare. Well on to Daycare C. This place is completely middle of the road. They definitely offered more than Daycare B but would not be ensuring my cub's slot into Princeton like Daycare A. They were a little more than what I budgeted, approximately $800, but I'm willing to forgo some hair, nail, and me day shopping to make this happen.

Some things I wasn't prepared for during the hunt

1. They have curriculums they follow for two year olds. Daycare A came with textbooks and homework. The cub is two!!!! I almost fainted once the curriculum director, don't even get me started on the fact that there is even a curriculum director, began explaining which methods they utilize at the academy. Daycare C has a curriculum they follow but no textbooks or homework.

2. They will evaluate and progress your child to ensure they are always in the proper classroom. I mean I was in the advanced classes and stuff in grade school but evaluate my child on what? Who can actually say Elmo? They are two. I just got excited the other day because my cub finally picked his own nose. I guess he won't be in the advanced toddler class huh?

3. They have rooms where you can come to the center and watch the classroom the entire day or, if you are Daycare A, log into a computer from work/home and watch the classroom. I'm told this assists in resolving conflicts or validating stories. It's also about trust. I don't know. If I need to do all this I would rather not have my child in daycare.

4. They expel children from daycare. I have no opinion on this I just wasn't aware.

So today was the first day of daycare for our cub. I will share that adventure in my next post. Stay tuned.....